Monday, January 31, 2005

I can't enjoy myself with my mother standing in the corner of my room talking loudly about my grandmother's living situation as if I can't hear it.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

One of my favorite restaurants, Pho World, closed down today. Blaise told me when I stopped into Starbucks to get some coffee for my mom and my uncle. I was so depressed that I drove there immediately I got off work and ordered some noodles. I also got one of the signs on the wall to take home. I know this must sound very boring, but it's all fucking interesting to me.

Anyway, my grandmother's first child, which she had with a man different than my deceased grandfather (who was my favorite relative growing up), is one annoying prude. I mean god, if Shakespeare knew her he'd tame that bitch instead of that old shrew of his. Even Thrith is nothing compared to this lady. The first thing this round-faced woman tells my grandmother in Chinese when I go in to say hello is that my hair is too curly and too fucking long, as if I didn't know already. Well fuck that. The worst part was that she either thought I couldn't understand her, or that she was treating me like a five year old kid. I was pissed as hell and stayed quiet and she said something like "Ohh... you're probably saying to yourself, I hate Chinese... ugh...". What a moron. I was so tempted to say that her fucking head was too fat and that she should stop judging my goddamn hair when her daughter is sitting in the living room rotting away watching tv and cutting herself on weekends (which is all true). She also forces her daughter to play the piano when she hates it and makes her cut herself at nights because she feels unloved.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

this is the saddest ive ever been in my life. i lost the best thing that's happened to me in my life. i hope she'll come back though, but god, i hope she'll find herself even more. i'd die happy knowing that she's content again.

im lost. my eyes are fuzzy and all of a sudden i dont feel like anything at all.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I am staring into the eyes of a girl who is around seventeen years old. She has bags under her eyes and her hair frizzy and unappealing. I only tell you this because she looks as tired of life as I am.

The other day Millard and I were at Hollister, which is this store that sells very trendy clothing to anorexic teenagers and sometimes their anorexic parents. I saw such a pair while I was there. The mother, forty or so, was scolding her daughter for not being fashionable enough and persisted that they meet somewhere else in the mall as she was embarrassing her. Usually I would have let this go, but I was in a particularly bad mood due to the number of Tsunami victims rising and my brother not selling me my car back. I proceeded to yell at the mother at the top of my lungs, shouting something along the lines of this:

"LISTEN, WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, HUH? YOU'RE FORTY FUCKING YEARS OLD! THIS IS YOUR DAUGHTER FOR CHRISSAKES! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO BE, PRETENDING YOU'RE SIXTEEN AND WEARING SHIRTS THAT NEVER FIT YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH? EVERYONE IN THE GODDAMN STORE KNOWS YOU'RE JUST A SPOILED OLD HARLOT WITH A SHITTY PERSONALITY, TRYING TO BUY HER WAY INTO SOCIETY! WELL FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS STORE!"

I proceeded to leave the store with Millard, who was speechless. I was honestly getting very sick of fake-breasted soccer moms and emaciated little teenagers, and the stress-relief this event gave me was quite gratifying. Also when I got to my girlfriend's house, her piquant little smile made everything okay again. It's funny how yelling at a total hag can make your day a helluva lot better.

Note: Only some of this was true. The piquant smile for instance. I just wanted to let you know that I will probably be scolded by my soulmate for talking about big-breasted soccer moms, even though I said fake-breasted, and will be accused of checking out sickly looking young girls because I was born a man. A boy, rather, who gets a hard-on at everything he sees. Even the goddamn Empire State Building can give me a hard-on if I look at it the right way.

Monday, January 17, 2005

ive been having late night conversations with my former self and it's scaring the hell out of me. just now though, just a few minutes, maybe an hour ago, i was with dasha and we were laughing like hell, imitating the world. calvinn, my former best friend when i was very very young young enough that my eyes still twinkled with the light of my dreams when i laughed at everything innocent came to visit with his mom and conrad, who i think is now his stepfather. we all smiled, and i couldnt stop laughing like a moron when he said his friend body slammed his pe teacher.

all im trying to say really is that im playing sonata in c major and im going to have it finished by the time im 18. that and some drum solos to go along with thelonious monk. only because i want to feel like ive accomplished something by the time im old. old!

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

I had an interesting talk with my counselor the other day about where I'm going with my life. I've decided film making/ english teacher / author or something around there. Someone argued to me that John Lennon was useless when it came to curing aids and cancer. He was right I guess, but I'm sure as hell he didn't hurt any.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

I never used to think that school was so boring, but now that Winter break is over and I have all this homework and shit! It really is. My photos are getting scratches on them and print quality is awful all over the place, and I don't know why I'm worrying about PHOTO class right now, since it should be the least of my worries in the long run. I wore nice clothes yesterday after shopping for clothes Monday night. I spilled some spaghetti sauce on the sweater and proceeded to clean it but Dasha got mad at me. I don't blame her. I'm a slob. Skeletons I hate, however.

Well, fuck! I wasted a good couple of hours. I'm going to read The Sun Also Rises. If you haven't read it yet, you should. Hemingway should be read all over the place. I am occupying my time with movies I haven't seen yet but have been highly recommended to me. Mostly Stanley Kubrick and movies made before 1990 to tell you the truth. I miss when stars were younger. Al Pacino just doesn't have the same SEX APPEAL anymore.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

it seems a helluva lot darker in my room since ive been at the very well lit mall for the past two hours. that damn turkey and avacado was good. hollister got me upset because of how awful it was. i think i saw this girl named amanda working there, but she looked too fashionable and her face was fucking shiny as hell.

to be perfectly honest, i want to rob the damn place just to see what people'd do. ill write a script about it.