I don't know what is wrong with me. I've been really obnoxious today towards everyone and not being very funny. I hate when I'm like that. Really loud and not witty in the least. Do you know what I mean? When everything that comes out of your mouth is just horrible nonsense. It's awful. I hate myself for it. I think I needed a cigarette. Maybe this is what keeps Grace away from me.

And because I haven't been smoking those depressed thoughts have been getting into my head again. You know, the me being unloved type of thoughts. I hate those, but miss those all at the same time. Damn Teresa. I wish I never met her. I hate getting my hopes up for every single thing in my life only to have nothing happen. I'm lucky only in a superficial way.

The main depressed thought today is the fact that even though you might be perfect for someone emotionally, and you know they are perfect for you emotionally, and you think they're just plain beautiful physically, they won't love you if you aren't attractive. Get a pretty face, because those clothes look awful even though they look good on the high school quarterback. Your clothes are a bold statement if you are attractive. Without a nice figure to look at, you're nothing. I wish I were a little beautiful sometimes. Nevermind, enough of this. I need a cigarette. No, I need sleep. I hate this.

cya.

-george