The other night I had a dream in which I was acting in a play. I don't remember the play all that well, except that I was the only one who didn't know my lines and everyone was yelling at me that I wasn't creative or talented or unique and that when it all came down to it, I was full of shit. When I woke up, I looked at "On the Road" for a while and realized I needed to read a hell of a lot more than I have been recently. I think after reading Malamud's "A Summer Reading", my goal will be 50 books by the end of this school year.

I've also come to the realization that if I want to be successful in life, I need to create something so unique and so wonderfully brilliant that I would be the first to bring it into life. I realized that my writing and my acting and my photography have all been rather stale - a teenage boy of fourteen probably replicated all of my work just this afternoon - and that I, the artist, would have to create something unfathomable. Also, after laying there in by bed with a girl that I am most in love with, I've decided that I need to dedicate my life to people who are suffering rather than people who are obese consumer piles of garbage.

P.S. My father has been gambling a lot recently. I would never have known, except my sister was crying because he stole her savings and pawned two of her watches in order to finance his awful habit. My grandmother came to me this morning after losing two hundred dollars to the bastard. So as of today, I've lost respect for him completely, and I doubt I'll ever be playing poker again in my lifetime.


Also, what killed Jack will probably most certainly absolutely fucking kill me.