"i felt i was like mrs. robinson with you," she said
"what?!" - me
"well, i mean, you're so shy and all"
"what?!"
- on sex

"oh honey, don't force it, here i'll make you some prune juice, seriously, don't force it," said my mother in front of a crowd of guffawing teenagers and smirking adults
"what?!"
- on stomach cramps and being sixteen

"i saw you up there wearing a skirt and all, and i didn't know what to say, what's up with that, anyway?" - the mustached muscle man said
"well, i thought it would be funny, and who the fuck cares if im wearing a skirt or not? these gender biases are ridiculous!" - me
"true enough.
so..."
"yeah?"
"are you gay, i have to ask"
"what?!"
- on trying to make a girl smile that i thought the world of, once again at age sixteen

"you look so good in aviators," she said
"well, you don't look so bad yourself"
"take your clothes off"
"okay"
"what the hell is THIS"
"JESUS, WHAT?!"
- on montreal (okay, though the aviators line was real, the rest wasn't. that doesn't mean i wasn't THINKING it though)