the truth (to myself):

starfish is dating a crackhead heroin user of 29 who has no house and no future. he's got an amazing body and makes her feel small though, which is what any girl could reasonably ask for out of a person. we've become so naturally inclined to feel that the rest of a person is shitty for the most part, so that's what we tend to seek out. i have to admit, i like it when i make a girl feel small, and if it doesn't happen neither of us are to blame [though i don't actually speak how i feel, which is this:

why oh why doesn't anyone listen to me?
do i have to be saying something completely different to be heard? yes yes, with grace with charm with dexterity!]

here goes:
we are all doing heroin in some respect. we are all injecting ourselves with devices ready to kill our spirits. it feels too good not to be doing.

full spectrum vice veresa tai chi ying yang and all that goddamn bullshit. throw it ALL in there