reverberating voices coming off the walls of the sky into our ears - what are they whispering? be yourself say something do it already you're going to regret not doing it you already regret it very deeply, you regret not going to the beach when it was warm and sunny and although you loved the sky it was so cold, the ocean has to be cold for fish to live inside of it. fish can only live in cold climate. this is so weird looking at this bottle ARROWHEAD mountaintops red white blue green we take these colors for granted but when we don't they are amazing. well,

you regret not ever telling dasha in person how you feel about her - completely and totally and without any mistruths mistaken identities true me - nameless and a blank face - you would tell her that you loved her and why you loved her and you would treat her with kindness and you would call her a poet and an artist and you saw how much she wants to be SUNSHINE in the world, even though she does not admit it she wants to touch the hearts of squirrels, she wants to make it so no squirrel would ever have to die, no georgeen dead and mistaken for someone else, a stoned acid melting ice cubes in my drink, look at how they do that, ice trays are so creative, how do you think they get the bugs in there?

you regret not letting marielle and jackie know what you truly think of them while you were at the beach. you regret not hugging jackie for longer and you regret not showing her the same amount of love you showed marielle. but jackie wasn't in the right mindset - she was driving, panicked nervous scared of what was in front of her because she had never seen something like that before. a cocoon of wildebeast - human beings driving around in big domed shaped pieces of metal on black slabs of rock with yellow and white on them. we're clever animals, thinking up color codes like that. (jackie turned on to a one-way street facing the opposite direction. all i could see were headlights coming at me but suddenly the ecstasy kicked in and i didn't even care.

do you notice how i talk to myself as i and you? isn't it obvious that i just wanted to fucking say the word OOZING in my journal? i get excited using words like that. i like discovering words because then i can describe things in different ways and have them make more sense! but it would only make sense to me and other people who knew those words. french is romantic and i would like to master it but i don't see what in the hell i would do with it. well,

i could be ROMANTIC

i could be FLOWERS(dancing and dining and movies and ice skating and - i remember one time someone i don't remember (weed) told me their boyfriend wanted to go ice skating and she said that it was pretty lame (she used the word gay but i thought how out of place is that in this journal but god knows what the fuck i'm doing right now) to do something like that. i wanted to go ice skating with dasha all the fucking time! she must've thought i was crazy (adds to the "not the type of guy you have sex with" philosophy) - that was a joke by the way, i in no way shape or form feel i am not the type of guy you have sex with, i'm a sex ICON i'm GROUP sex i'm CRAZY sex CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY boat!

- abrupt ending