Laura would do this thing where she would ask me how many fingers she was holding up, and I would tell her, and she would keep doing that over and over until she would put her hand behind her back and I would guess some number and she would show me her fist and say, "Ohh, zero," and then playfully punch me in the face.

And we went to the Phoenix Science Center and just played. We went to the art museum and saw dangling fireflies in a room filled with mirrors and darkness. There was another room there with just a projector shining a light on the wall and we just stared and stared and laid down and punched each other and looked at each other and looked how happy that room made everyone and we left the museum quite happy.

Except the weather was bad and the concrete was unlevel.

The real point of this post is just memories of times that I absolutely miss and it's only been a week. Everything in the future matters and I feel like we're just wasting time not going for it. More life experiences, more talk, less idle chatter and drug-use and cigarettes and cuts on my eyebrow blood blood blood in my hair down my face my head feels light and everyone is gone. The alcohol isn't sinking in my mind is shaking I'm shaking crazy unadulterated colors drink from the spring of life it's amazing Gulliver, just live forever and ever, blind as a bat, shapeless and colorless zest creeping in at every corner. Huge spiders in Seattle, trapping them in tupperware and throwing water at them while they struggled to not be flushed down.

And we just laid there, looking up at a sky we knew was beautiful, through a tree that was sharing the warm summer wind, initials carved in its torso, dreaming with words and ideas, talking about who we were and who we won't be. I was happy, talking about the future with someone I love, wishing each other the absolute best, knowing life would be better if we just

I don't know.

I'm still confused and my head is really throbbing. I have so many questions to ask but I know it will be better to just live life the way I want to. I've started to tear down the walls of the invisible chambers but it's only the beginning. The waiting is the hardest part.