i tell her that i love her, though it drives her crazy (i know this already; she has never said it once to me). i like the way she sleeps at a diagonal, pushing me sideways, awkward limbs and awkward facial expressions. she jerks around in her sleep, haunted by nightmares and uneasy visions of those who suffocate her. i kiss her forehead and she burys her head in my chest.

i cannot lie, i adore her and i want to wrap her up in my arms and carry her with me throughout this new journey i will call my life (as of this day and that day and yesterday), and though we have fun together, we are not ready for such commitment. she's already thinking of future prospects (patrick) and i would be lying if i said i wasn't either.

upon her peach fuzz laid a raccoon, i snatched him up and put him in my pocket. her cat has been in heat ever since my arrival; i don't know how this happened, but apparently it has something to do with my charm

she loves me and i have to go home. my heart is already breaking and i cannot think of anything romantic to do tonight. her stories of despair hurt my heart. i don't want anyone to fall in love with her, i don't want to depend on her, i want her to live freely. and we will do so, frequenting each other's lives, and though i look into the future happily and courageously, not spending the rest of my days bundled up in striped comforters and blue bouquets haunts my very being. she reminds me of who i am, and reminds me that i am likeable.

so i will miss her and she will miss me, and perhaps breakfast will be sad tomorrow, and perhaps sleeping will be sad tonight, but there is nothing in the world that i can do. there are no words to say, no kisses to give, no touches to handle. she doesn't like kissing, the very first person in the world to tell me that. i don't know what that's supposed to mean, probably nothing.
she says i'm too serious,
absolutely true,
she says i'm overwhelming,
and obviously i am

i don't want to be overwhelming anymore. i just want to jump on a breeze and have it carry me onward into whatever god has in store for me.