OSTRICH
your teeth are so pretty

HAMBURGLARESS
i need them to eat your burgers

OSTRICH
im working out my one pack for you. itll be two packs by the time you see me next

HAMBURGLARESS
i need you to feed me burgers off your twopacks

OSTRICH
i need to feed you burgers off my one pack

HAMBURGLARESS
do you think he did it?

OSTRICH
who?

HAMBURGLARESS
do you think he really did those things with an ostrich?

OSTRICH
what do i care? i'm all about interspecies relationships. you're just a robot with the head of a hamburglar.

HAMBURGLARESS
i think im a female

OSTRICH
want to mate?

HAMBURGLARESS
how do you get pregnant? how do ostriches lay eggs?

OSTRICH
gettin a two pack. you egg one out and it becomes a one pack. that's why fit people hardly reproduce.

HAMBURGLARESS
i've stolen burgers from millions of fit people and they usually have nine kids or more.

OSTRICH
those aren't kids, they're burgers.

HAMBURGLARESS
oh.

OSTRICH
don't you feel foolish?

HAMBURGLARESS
no, i feel better, actually. i ate their kids anyway, so im glad they were at least burgers.

OSTRICH wraps his wings around the HAMBURGLARESS and kisses her

HAMBURGLARESS
please don't spit on me

OSTRICH wraps his neck around the HAMBURGLARESS's torso and kisses her neck

HAMBURGLARESS
how is your neck so stretchy

OSTRICH
im half giraffe.

HAMBURGLARESS
i'm a girl you know.

OSTRICH
WHAAAAAAAAA????


HAMBURGLARESS
yes, i told you.

OSTRICH
i'm thinking that you're not really a hamburglar at all.

HAMBURGLARESS
im not, why would you think that?

OSTRICH
because of your name.

HAMBURGLARESS
what, krista?

OSTRICH
no, your other name.

HAMBURGLARESS
oh, donald.

OSTRICH
what kind of a name is donald anyway?

HAMBURGLARESS
a good one! my first boyfriend's name was donald

OSTRICH
hahahahahahah

HAMBURGLARESS
hahahahahahaha

OSTRICH
krista donald sandiego

HAMBURGLARESS



OSTRICH
that's not what you look like!






HAMBURGLARESS



OSTRICH
that's better.

HAMBURGLARESS
don't you have things to do?

OSTRICH
i'm in class

HAMBURGLARESS
do you want some coffee? you seem like a coffee drinker.

OSTRICH
yes please.

HAMBURGLARESS
cream? sugar?

OSTRICH
one ham one bearclaw

HAMBURGLARESS
okay.

HAMBURGLARESS leaves to go get some coffee
enter FRENCH FRY

FRENCH FRY
DISCOVER WEIGHT LOSS FREEDOM GO!!

OSTRICH
can i still eat you?

FRENCH FRY
yes PLEASE! ^_~