STEVE
hi im here to get a physical

GD
alright just sit right there

STEVE
what on that log?

GD
yeah get naked on that log

STEVE
it doesn't look pleasant.

GD
your legs are gonna get so scratched up

STEVE
are you going to give me a physical?

GD
patience is a virtue.

STEVE
what's that mean?

GD
put the lotion in the fucking basket

STEVE
what?

GD
you aren't from winnipeg are you?


STEVE
yeah i am, as a matter of fact.

GD
it's a great city, there's a ton to do

STEVE
best city in the goddamn world.

GD
i can go outside and be bored then go inside and be bored then go outside and be scared for a little while
it's amazing

STEVE
are you being sarcastic?

GD
you're a lovely lady, steve.i thought you should know

STEVE
how do you know my name?

GD
myspace

STEVE
im not on that shit

GD
myspace.

STEVE
o. okay..

GD
are you hungry?

STEVE
a little, wait what?

GD
do you wanna go out sometime for some food?

STEVE
um, no.


GD
no one wants to get food anymore everyone is like
drugs this drugs that i dont wanna eat food
i just wanna like do my cat drugs and then be a
cat for a while, but im telling you steve
you can't be a cat all the time it's a terrible life
listen to me steve.

STEVE
i think i might have pleurisy

GD
you should probably eat something then.

STEVE
i just had boustan.

GD
BOUSTAN! thats the cause of everything. dont eat the
kafta schwerma pita arayess falafel kebab. itll give you herpes b.

STEVE
i didn't know there was a herpes B

GD
yeah, but it's the good kind so you can take your girl there.

STEVE
i would, but she doesnt really eat food. (but she already has an std?)

GD
thats the problem with people these days, never eatin food.

STEVE
i don't know what you're talking about.

GD
typical winnipeg.

STEVE
hey leave winnipeg outta this.

GD
leave the JETS outta this! they suck enough without you going and defending them.

STEVE
are you going to fucking give me a physical or what?

GD
and don't get me started on the expos, what's their record now,
like 150 wins and 2 losses ? terrible.

STEVE
are you okay? or should i go back and ask the nurse if -

GD
im sorry steve. my wife just died an hour ago, im not taking it very well.

STEVE
oh.

GD
she won the only gold medal for canada last year. fucking world record. i bet none of you
winnipegers have ever won a gold medal for anything.

STEVE
actually, winnipeg is a PART of canada

GD
do you want your physical or not?

STEVE
yes, yes, thank god, i was about to leave.

GD
bad news steve.

STEVE
what

GD
you got the pleurisy

STEVE
how do you know?

GD
that's the bad news. there's some good news too.

STEVE
what's the good news?

GD
you don't have pleurisy, you got hep c.

STEVE
i want to see another doctor.

GD
there aren't any more doctors, i ate all of them.

STEVE
you remind me of my father.

GD
Steve, I'm your father because i had sex with your father
and you came out
. im sorry it had to be this way.

STEVE
what are you talking about?

GD
it's going to be ninety bux.

STEVE
i don't have ninety bux i just spent it all on pornography

GD
well maybe if you weren't so goddamn winnipeg you wouldn't be in this mess!

STEVE
this scene doesn't make any sense.

GD
yep.

STEVE
is you on drugs?

GD
yea, i is.