A second attempt at being an intellectual.

We all share this common thing as humans, as people. We all look forward to a nice death. We are all living, and because of this, we are linked. This is what we can talk about, this is what we all know of. And because of this, we can tolerate one another. We are all seeking something before death, and those of us who believe that we cannot obtain this "hope" commit suicide. It's as simple as that.

Some wonderful things have happened the past day or so. I went and visited Grace because she seemed very excited to see me, and was looking forward to it. I thought it was cute that she refers to me as her "eternal soulmate" as if we're lovers or something, when in reality we maintain a relationship much like that of "Will and Grace". Except the fact that we're not on TV, that we don't live together, and that I'm not gay. Well maybe I am. No, that would be too depressing. I was thinking that we were more like Bonnie and Clyde, although I don't know if they were both girls or both men. It's that type of thing. That we are best friends and that we are a pair. I can see me and Grace robbing a bank one day, and just smiling while driving across the open country, without a care in our heads, and just being in a state of peaceful happiness.

Another thing Grace mentioned was that she was happy, and that she didn't really know it. I think we are all happy inside, for one reason or another, but we don't show it at times. It's such a cliche word isn't it? Happy. Several people are searching for it, but no one really obtains it. But what's the point of searching for it when it's already in our hearts? It's just a matter of coming to the conclusion of what it is.

Grace wanted to take me to this place called "Good Vibrations" which is basically a women's sex shop. I thought it was hilarious, but the street it was on ended up being closed for a Fair or something. She was also going to take me to a Sushi place because she promised we would go eat Japanese food one of these days. I thought it was a sweet thought, and whether or not we went didn't really matter.

After a few hours of things I don't remember, we went to Haight and Ashbury and I went to this record store called "Amoeba" and bought the Dredg CD's I've been desperately looking for. Grace tells me that I look like such a happy little kid whenever something really nice happens, like when she takes me for doughnuts or when I get a CD that I've been looking for. I've been listening to Dredg constantly because they always put me in a fantastic mood. Not so much lively and exciting, but more of a peaceful tranquil one. I've noticed that when I smoke cigarettes in the car, a mint or two helps calm my head down. I'm referring to the light-headedness.

We picked up our friend Sam who is Jewish a few moments later. He is very nice and loves music. I always tell him Jewish jokes, which I know is awful, but Grace always laughs, and Sam always gives me a smile.

The best part of last night was when we went to Fort Point. Fort Point is an old army base from World War II located underneath the Golden Gate Bridge. We parked next to the ocean, layed on the hood of my car, and looked at the stars for a while. And Grace asked us a question. "If everyone tells me I'm so nice and pretty, how come I don't have a boyfriend?". Sam said he would be dating Grace if he was the "dating type". I have no idea what that means, but I think it was said to comfort her. I was pretty quiet and just kept looking at the stars. After we got back in the car to drive back home, I told her that she was just lonely, and that she didn't need a boyfriend. Sometimes I wonder if I should just ask her out one of these days, but I always come the conclusion that I don't have the emotional capacity to handle whatever answer she gives me. She also lives very far away, and she needs someone who can be with her always. I want to live in an apartment with her when I'm older and independent.

One of these days, I will sit down with my mom and explain to her why I want to take a year off before college, or not go straight into a state college right after I graduate. I have never discovered the reason for going is the problem, and she never gives me a good reason, besides that she wants me to.

I have a sick sense of humour.

cya.

-george