“In heaven, everything is fine.” – Kim Deal of the Pixies

I don’t know why I exist or how I happened to become about, but none of that really matters. All I am is the soul of a snowman, and that’s how it’ll always be.

When it’s summertime and springtime and autumn-time my soul resides in snowman heaven. Snowman heaven is a lot different than regular heaven in that in snowmen heaven, souls are beautiful. In human heaven, souls are talking the same old bullshit as when they were in bodies.

In snowman heaven innocent little children are ubiquitous. They laugh and put carrots in your nose and lie in the snow and smile at you. In human heaven, a lot of people choose to be kids, but they’re never smiling. They’re usually picking their noses or eating fast food or something wasted that kids do. I suppose the real innocent ones just keep us company in snowman heaven. Thank God for that.


I remember the first time I saw the girl I fell in love with. She was only six then, but it was okay because I was only one. She was wearing a little white cardigan and big ear muffs. She had this pretty little habit of falling backwards laughing after putting my soul into a snowman’s body and then making a snow angel.

When I died, she felt so bad that she made a grave for me. She put a little yellow dandelion where my belly was and she cried. When the dandelion got to heaven it became beautiful.

As a soul, I’m only on earth when I’m in the body of a snowman. When I melt, I am immediately sent to snowman heaven where my soul can wander freely among streets paved with chocolate and cream. Nobody eats the roads though. Snowmen souls are very afraid of cavities. If the soul of a snowman gets a cavity, they’re automatically stuck with the cruelest kid next winter. Example: The kid who uses the spikes of a fork as eyes instead of buttons.