Today I told Snow White that I was secretly in love with her. She said she had no idea. I suppose it wasn’t really all that obvious. I mean, all of us acted like children whenever she was in the room anyway. We never sing and dance together. We usually fight and fight until Dopey starts crying in the corner and Doc gets as drunk as a whistle. Bashful is usually the strongest of us, but that’s only because his name is a fake. He’s never embarrassed. He’s just a homosexual, which explains his uncanny amount of blushing.
After the shrub flew away, I started kicking these stones until eventually I heard a splashing sound. Obfuscated, I ran toward what I thought was water. Snow White was crying, and her tears had formed an enormous lake of acid tears. I went for a swim, and came out with third degree burns. I still love her though.
She never told me the reason she was crying, but I don’t think it mattered. Either way, all I could’ve done was comfort her. I think that’s all I wanted to have done.
As the weariest member of the group, sometimes I can’t help but feel remorse for never doing any work around the house. I just get so TIRED is all! I mean, why would I want to wash the dishes when I could sleep instead? Of course, if she asked me to wash them, they wouldn’t become chores anymore. They’d be obligations.
My Diary, who now only speaks German, has become my only sanctuary. Bashful used to be, but he kept trying to kiss me when I didn’t want him to.

To whom it may concern:
Schnee-Weiß, sind Sie mein Lieblingsfamilie Mitglied.