Are we endlessly thinking about past events and past people? Her fingers were always cold and I loved to warm them on my cheeks and kiss them softly but I never got to do that near the end. It are thoughts like those that plague me and whenever I get in that state of mind I lose myself and worry like crazy about the future. I look at my friends and wonder if they still think about their old girlfriends and boyfriends and I know that they probably do sometimes and there's nothing any of us can ever do about it. Except love each other of course. But the pain is there and maybe I should talk about my fears and insecurities more often but then people would just think that I'm just a drug addict that mopes all the time. I'm neither. My world is black and white and nothing inbetween. I want to be exhilarated and excite another person with such vivid and colorful hopes and ideas. I want to learn all those abstract colors and paint my life with them. Darkness comes and grey grey clouds are all over the place but I can't help but try and shine and I LOVE the milkshakes I adore them I adore anyone like that, I adore tans and faces and eyeballs and everything that makes them work, snails and kites and giraffes, working together to keep our curiosity satiated. I want to see mother earth and write infinite amounts of poems and odes to her. I want to do it sober, and I want to do it high.