We stood looking down at the freeway, at all the swirling red and white moving in opposite directions, smoking hash, unaware of each other and having a sense of complacency which rooted from the purple and pink sky. My mind became clouded, images of black and grey shadows creeping up all over me. My world started to spin wildly and I danced appropriately. I stood there babbling incoherently, frightened and baffled at my situation. I couldn't understand why my body felt so light and how I could be so miserable. I was unable to move at all, so I yelled for Dom and Maureen to help me over the wall and they did. Home seemed so far away. I left the spiky flower Jackie picked for me - we both knew how it was very pretty in a fragile sort of way. I tried reaching for it as they dragged me over the hill, but my arms were too short and too useless.

I stare at my computer screen feeling empty and alone again, not knowing why I am awake or how things ended up this way. I usually start crying unexplainably around these times, waking up with puffy eyes and wonder.

People ask me how I'm doing these days and I say I'm okay and they can usually see right past me. There's too much to talk about and I've already come to the conclusion that it's better to try and move on. I'm lying to myself, of course, but it's the only way I can try and see sunshine again.