oh well fuck it. i would've been miserable if i had to stay here another few years anyway. and the fact that she's so different now, well, it's all just a nice memory for me to keep.

i think most of you really don't get why i visit her so often, because the only place i really talk about her is here, so i think i'll take the time to actually describe how our real relationship works.

she's one of my best friends for chrissakes. we'll call each other if one of us is upset or has problems or just wants to rant about life. we understand each other pretty deeply and have a rapport that nobody can ever take away from us. we have our own silly jokes that mean the world to each of us. i just get overdramatic sometimes cause god do you know how fucking pretty she is? i mean jesus! ha. well, it's just i get a little lonely sometimes and she's just so wonderful in person that it all gets a bit overwhelming. i'll never lose contact with her, and the biggest tragedy of all this is that i know what the future will hold for both of us, and unfortunately they don't intertwine.

but we can always slice up watermelons and play video games together. and in the future i'll invite her over to my apartment and we'll watch tv and eat hot dogs and not even talk about this stuff. we've kept the stuffed animals we've given each other over the years (though she has a really big grasp on most of the ones she's given ME >O) and i doubt we'll ever stop being close. this world is just too big to give up those that mean everything to you.

but sometimes i'll look at this binder of stuff i wrote during our two year relationship and i wonder what the hell i'm going to do with it. if i published my love for her wouldn't that seem just melodramatic and stupid? i don't want to be one of those sappy artists, ugh. van gogh was NOT that cool at all. i'm thinking of turning it into a silly sort of screenplay for children, where little bears dance and little bunnies sing. yeah, that'd make her happy in the long run.

(and i can't BELIEVE that he doesn't seem to have a bright future at all! i really hope to god he becomes a senator or something so she doesn't feel crazy in the future, dating a half garbageman half video game salesman)

and since t don't read this no mo:
i'm going to do something of artistic mention before i go up and visit her. because i promised i'd just run up and surprise her, like she'd just see me at the mall or something, and i at least want her to get excited a little bit. i mean it doesn't hurt to fall in love with the guy that made a million people happy, rather than the melodramatic guy that just writes about it. smiles and laughs people