mr. and mrs. america your son has been very bad in his behavior. he's been influencing other kids, namely north korea and china, to spend a lot of their money on military spending because that's what he considers most important. your son also owes us eight trillion dollars, how is he going to pay that back mind you? he keeps gobbling up guns and guns and more guns. he entertains his pets with football and alcohol, and even makes his cats pay for healthcare. "you have to gimme ten cents for a flu vaccine!" he would shout. can't you do something about your son? he's running amok everywhere, spreading lies and comforting no one.

take a look at switzerland, he's a bright young boy doing quite well for himself. but of course he is reserved and shy, not really wanting to deal with the rest of the kids because the majority of the kids are quite frightening. your son has the most nuclear weapons out of anyone, don't you know what that's doing to the rest of the kids? it's silly!

i'll talk to you more about this later, apparently egypt spraypainted "sphinx ruleees" in the breakroom, but don't think you've heard the last of this