"physical pain and emotional abnormalities"

so apparently the world thinks i'm too gentle because i've been getting hurt like CRAZY over the past day or so and it's starting to forcibly turn me all rugged. the only rug i need is on my kitchen floor thank you very much (i thought it was funny i said kitchen floor instead of living room floor. kitchen floor sounded smoother but made a lot less sense, so i used it. probably to make YOU laugh. you you you, i miss you, did you know that? i miss when we'd get coffee and just sprawl all over the place laughing about EVERYTHING. what was i saying? oh right, that rug joke was pretty cute, huh?).

so an example,
last night we were drinking pretty heavily (six tecates and fifteen shots of goldschlager? who NAMES alcohol anyway? i would've called it flakengute which means good flakes in deutschland where im from originally, so unless schlager is the english word for flakes i dont know what to make of anything), and alan and i were in very punchy moods and for a brief moment we were just swinging at air as hard as we could and for some stupid reason i decided to lean my head in during one of alan's punches and he smacked me square across the face pretty hard. he kept shaking his hand at the wrist and saying his hand hurt like hell. i kept saying how much it hurt (it did) but how my facial reaction really didn't express anything (i had a big confused smile on my face. FIGHT CLUB HA HA HA HA HA "stop the presses, george ha is the chicest (i look up so many words, im a catastrophe) goddamn writer on the planet! he makes allusions to the hippest most modern of things!!! pay the man!"). everyone kept saying how much they liked drinking with me because of how happy and excited i was being. i just liked how social everyone became all of a sudden when i got excited. sometimes i feel like the world spins on my shoulders and if im not blowing everyone is all glum and livin in frowntown.

so as if that punch didn't do it (it hurts pretty bad today to be honest. i just like being tough so i don't react, but GOD am i in physical agony. it's making me feel sexy as hell though, so watch out gals georgie's comin to town), the world decided that i should throw up every single thing i consume today. and believe me, i throw up rather infrequently (though i did have a very embarrassing [i can't believe i spelled that correctly! how appropriate headmaster porge!] late night encounter with starfish but i'll just stop there), so throwing up all morning is not something my body is used to. i'm starting to think someone's out to get me i'm so rattled. okay i'm not, i just miss being gentle. this new found sexiness is hard to contain, but i promise i'll try my best to anyway (for you GIRLS out there;"woos and catcalls"). so what was i saying?
right all this pain

kayla's over with her boyfriend so we went to fly kites and i thought i was such a stud getting mine to the end of the string but before i knew it the kite was too far and it crashed and i had to go through HELL to try and get it back. first of all, there were prickly things EVERYWHERE and i decided TODAY of ALL days to not wear socks (i also need to get a better sock collection, i've had the same socks all my life and they're awful) so they were pricking my solesons and toebows and then there was this FENCE i had to climb and it scared the hell outta me because it had barbed wire up on top and after that experience i suppose ill never climb a barbed wire fence again (i didn't notice at the time because i was so exhilarated that i had climbed over a fence that high, but i was bleeding like crazy from my arms and tummy), and then when i saw the kite it was STUCK IN A TREE! and since it was up so high all the string got tangled up in the branches and i kept going at it until i realized that it was a tree and trees gobble up everything in the wind and there was nothing i could do. it was the first time in my life i think i got upset with a tree. and so i didnt want to climb the fence again (we were up on very high hills by the way) so i walked down the other side and as i got to the walkway at the bottom there was this girl walking by and she shot me a look like i was some sort of CREEPER leaping out of the bushes so she walked fast fast fast and when she looked back again i was holding just the kite spool and had this very pleasant smile on my face that sort of told her the entire story and she stopped and we laughed together and said goodbye with our eyes. and so as i walked back through (we were at a dog park which was a funny place to go fly kites) the park and up the hill i thought of what i was going to say but kayla saw me and just yelled "ITS OKAY" (i like it when people just know things already and you don't have to say anything because they understand and it's really okay) and we went to starbucks and i got passion tea with apple juice instead of lemonade and they didn't make it that well today but i was already hyping up this concoction to kayla and i said take a sip it's soooo good, even though i already knew it wasn't as good as usual, and she tasted it and had a look on her face like it was good but it wasn't THAT good and she said, ".. . this is HELLA good, but you know it would taste better with lemonade" and i wanted to run back into the store and throw that drink at that guys head (okay i didnt, but i just might throw a drink at someone's head for no reason one day). so that was that and on the ride home i felt like throwing up some more (headachey!!) and i thought of basketball and my plans for the summer and put on the decemberists and here i am writing again and it feels good.

the wind is really nice today. i like it when he's not too cold or too hot but more on the cooler side and gentler than normal. and then i liked it when he got really excited and blew as hard as he could but it still wasnt too hot or to cold it was perfectly cool and felt amazing.

also, kayla did something which i didnt comment on at the time (we were driving and i was smiling to myself about it thinking that she actually meant what she was saying) but ill comment on now.

kayla (to her boyfriend): "hey, do you know what i want to be when i grow up?"

(B-F): "what?"

kayla: "inspirational. *smiles wide*"

(B-F): "oh, cool"

it was the sweetest thing. and it wouldn't've (i like how i use two apostrophes when i combine THREE words. im breaking grammatical barriers!!! [but im starting to agree that any exclamation points past the third one are just too much]) been as sweet if the person didn't mean it in the way that she did. in fact, if i told that story to dom or (i was going to say teresa here but i realized she would absolutely love this sort of thing. she's sweeter than anyone i know! of course she would!) something (good word choice here) he'd probably say "TYPICAL! I'M GONNA THROW A ROCK AT YOUR HEAD AND MAKE A BILLION DOLLARS WITH ALL THE GOLD IN THAT ASIAN SKULL OF YOURS! HA HA HA!!!"

but i like my friends to be that way. if everyone were as loopy and optimistic and gentle as i was, the world would implode on itself. i'm not that gentle though i'm learning. i realized i play up my soft side way too much and this entry was my way of saying to you, audience,

that when i'm feeling punchy WATCH OUT!!! im gonna get ya!

it's true. it's very very true and you should know that right away.
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on a side note, teresa b asked me the other day, "hey, why don't you feel good in the PRESENT?" (in reference to my blind optimism about the future)

i was going to answer this in a silly way like the other questions, but i think this one deserves a serious answer and a joking answer.

the serious (but silly) one:
i'm scared, i think. but i shouldn't be. it's just that everything is happening so fast and i'm getting so old all of a sudden and i honestly don't know where to start. but i'm travelling soon again and usually a healthy dose of good people is what i need to get going, and when i do get going, everyone can attest to how good i can be. don't you think so? we laugh together so damn much, you and me (audience). i'll never forget that
so i'm trying to be more social and happy about the present and you know, thinking about how tomorrow might be the last day really puts some pep in my step (is that TWICE now that i've used pep today? fabulous!), and i've been writing and going out a lot more and feeling generally great about the weather. and i'll be honest, i miss teresa like crazy and am getting very sad that i'm really leaving a lot of people here. whenever i hear people say goodbye already i don't know what to do. life is about to move so fast and the future is going to be my present and who knows how my body will take it? i AM gentle is the problem. i can't take any more heartache, and i just want to start over there and it's the starting that's so hard. but it's for the best, i know. i just need to be more brave about it that's all.
(and i am! i'm jumping in shaky and nervous but i'm jumping the hell in there anyway! who else do ya know that would do that? probably a million! but i'm so cute about it aren't i ? ? ? !! ! ! )

i love you guys

-george