George 1: Hey, don't you think this CD dasha made sounds pretty good?
George 2: She copied her music taste off of us.
George 3: I love the way Rosanna looks! Did you see that EYE of hers? Let's put that in a play!
George 2: Did you just say blueberry muffin squares?
George 3: No, but I... wait, maybe, did I? I would say that, wouldn't I?
George 1: You guys shutup! Listen to the music, doesn't that fill you with EMOTION? Think about that great scene Teresa wrote that we're trying to copy off right now!
George 2: (offstage already, nonchalant, as if this is all very usual of him): Um, I'll have thirty-seven blue blue muffin squares, twenty-two saran wrap strawberry creams, forty nine- grunkopf gobblers, and um, three veggie burgers?
George 1: Since when did you start eating veggie bugers? When TERESA got you eating that crap? Be a man, for chrissakes!
George 2: (dejected) I only have money for TWO veggie-burgers. oh well, extra sauce please! and shape it into a heart, won't you, Teresa used to do that and I really liked it until she made the bottoms all soggy-
(enter BOTTOM; Bottom is a huge bum made out of cardboard and candycanes. he is also later the antagonist for what will be known as, "Assy and me")
BOTTOM: you have teresa on the brain! you're falling into bad habits again! you don't even feel so good! I don't feel so good!
(BOTTOM leaves)

George 2: ANYWAY, so she made the bottoms all soggy and ten I think she started doing it on purpose because i started making it a point of it to tell her even when they were al right. I'm so funny. ha ha ha ha ha!

George 1: We DO have her on the brain. Let's think about how funny we are.
George 3: (thinks of a vague joke off in the distance) "ha, ha, ha, almost anything can give me an erection! i can get an erection if i look at the fucking eiffel tower the wrong way!" i'm so good!
George 1: I'm the funny one.
George 2: No, I'M the funny one!
George 3: I'm all mixed up! (suddenly inside a large paper bag) How the hell do I get out of this paper bag?
George 1: How the HELL did you get into a paper bag?
(enter George 4)
George 4: I'll only accept travelers checks this time around, Monsoon Man! But next time you'll answer to the candlestick in the DINING room!
George 1: Who are you?
George 4: Peacock.
George 3: Let's get 'em!
George 1 & 2: OKAY!
George 4: *pulls out his rifle and shoots all three dead*
(enter George 5)
George 5: You shot 'em all again?
(George 4 shoots George 5's hair off)
George 5: You fucking bastard! *Throws a pie in his face*
(George 4 starts sniffling)
Don't even start that now, you hear me? God. (looks at hair) I have to do the fucking COMB OVER? Do you know how many years I had until I had to DO this? I HATE you!
(enter George 6)
George 6: ha ha ha ha ha, nice COMB OVER buddy!
(enter Teresa 3)
Teresa 3: Yeah, nice CAKE over! You said cake right honey? Let's go get cake okay?
(george 2 gets out of his death state at the thought)
George 2: Yeah, let's go get some CAKE! (links hands with Teresa 3 and cheerfully walks off stage and orders more food in the distance)
George 4 (dejected): I thought I got him!
George 6: You would have if you weren't shooting cut up pineapple slices at people.
George 4: Well I didn't really want to hurt anyone! I just wanted to be melodramatic! And then given the offchance that they would be struck blind, that was worth it wouldn't you say? That'd be quite the luck, and since I'm really the lucky kind of guy - - -
George 5: MY PINEAPPLE WASN'T CUT UP YOU GODDAMN BASTARD!
George 6: Damn these suburb moms are cute.
George 5: You're both idiots.
(Teresa 1 walks on angrily)
Teresa 1: YOU FORGOT TO DO THE LAUNDRY! NO SEX FOR A YEAR! (walks off)
(Teresa 2 enters)
Teresa 2: What's that? SEX FOR A YEAR? You got my number! Who's up to bat? Mr. Massage, are you there?
(Massage 1 enters)
Massage 1: I use my hands so articulately and dexterously no one can give a more passionate and soothing full body massage like me! And I kiss with vivacity all the sensitive parts of a woman's body to properly...."
(Massage 2 enters)
Massage 2: MY MASSAGES ARE LIKE BEING SHOT IN THE BACK WITH AN ARROW! No spine relief here!
(Massage 3 enters)
Massage 3: Well I feel pretty good, and I guess I AM pretty good? Wait, I'm getting a massage too right? (the three of them look around the room and wonder who everyone is) Um.. (pulls out a mango) You guys want to share this with me?
Massage 1: Okay.
Massage 2: Those make my teeth feel all stringy. They make me want to floss or something.
George 1 (from the grave): You're all a bunch of emotional handsome bastards! Go to hell!
Teresa 976 (stupidly drunk, offstage): YAaaA you'REE SOooO hanDNsomE!!
Teresa 2: I want a mango!
Massage 1, 2, & 3: Come with us!
Teresa 2: Okay! I've always DREAMEd of being with THREE Mr. Massages! (to the Georges) Spater boys! (Teresa 2 walks off stage with the three of them. Applause, seemingly that of a favorite recurring character on a television show follows from the crowd).
George 4: I wish I had watermelon slices. That would be funny too.
George 5: WHEN IS MY HAIR GOING TO GROW BACK, JESUS!
George 6: We just got fucking DISSED!
(a snort from Teresa 2 is heard from off stage at the use of the word, "dissed")
You fuckers got us UN-laid. Back to the fucking last inch of the bed where it's totally uncomfortable and no one feels good and you get the LUMPY pillow thrown at you and then you're pushed into this really sharp awning like they used to do in those concentration canmps and (INTERRUPTED BY)

(offstage)
Teresa 2: oooOOhhOH (moan moan) DOCTOR massage? I never KNEW there was a DOCTOR massage! COmE HEeeeEERRE *AMOROUS *!

George 6: GOD THAT'S THE STUFF I'm TALKING ABOUT
George 5: (sad), we were supposed to get laid.
George 1 and 3 (surprised): Why the hell are we DEAD all of a sudden? And what's this about you guys not getting any? Aren't the Massages PART of us? How are they-
George 4: Why do you guys keep RAMBLING?
George 6: Since when did you start making sense?
(enter George 2 and Teresa 3)
George 2: Hey, we got tofu strips from that Mon-DRUH-gon place. Like eighty-nine people's worth.
Teresa 3: UM, make that THIRTY-nine people's worth! *munch munch munch munch munch*.
(Everyone chases Teresa 3 off stage and the lights dim)
(lights go back on after a moment, still half dim, only shining on TERESA 1)
Teresa 1: THE LAUNDRY STILL ISN'T DONE! I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS! NOBODY UNDERSTAAAANDS ME!!




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