I don't really know what I'm supposed to write right now, but I'll just write whatever comes to mind, and that'll be that. OK??

I just got home from the gym, and all of a sudden when Dasha kissed me it seemed like things were okay. And they are. I sort of got pissed off at all these buff people around me for some reason, but it was really because they weren't buff at all. They were just fat and lazy and ignorant and starved for attention. I'm sure everyone was staring at the athletic girl's ass as it was bouncing all over the place. I wasn't though. I was looking at this seventy year old man and listening to Dasha admiring him because he would live to be a thousand. I think people would be happier being turtles.

I really need to stop going to a lot more classes that are bullshit and start focusing most of my energy on English, and maybe some spillage into Photography. I only say the photo part because I've really been turning in some horrible crap, and I feel bad since I talk about aesthetics like I'm a goddamn saint or something, and I never really make anything beautiful. English, well, because I want to be literate and well spoken and well read and filled with a million words I can use to describe a tiny thing like a piece of fruit. Or maybe a twig.

And aren't we all the clichés of the earth, branching off into the sky, and then falling when we don't have the energy to reach for heaven anymore? How twiggish we are! And just like that, aren't the giraffes the ones doing the most beautiful things, reaching their necks to the sky in order to obtain the juiciest fruit? If only humans could evolve in such a beautiful manner! Giraffes must have been the ugliest little things before God told them to stretch! Moloch on wordiness and rambling!

And moloch in the spirit that filled me when I read Howl in front of my Literature class on Friday! I had to stop half way because everyone became droopy eyed and no one found me eloquent at all! But really, I was just wasting time and being a poet and never really thinking how my actions might affect the well being of the simple girl working working working to get into college because that might prove how intellectual and beautiful and worthy she really is of splendor and nobility! And although my lover pleads with me to stop being so lazy and foul-mouthed about education, I just can't help but suffocate and complain! My soul is vibrating loudly for the neighbors for the grandmothers for the high school prostitutes to hear!

And really listen now,

If God were a sunflower, and if angels were pollen, and humans were just tiny little insects scattering to get to a place no soul has found while roaming on earth, wouldn't that be okay?

So let me ask a question here. Why is it that even though we breathe in beautiful oxygen that beautiful flowers beautifully exhale to sustain us, we can't help but pollute our souls with toil and misery and boastfulness? No, it's not supposed to make sense. But yes yes yes, I know what I'm trying to say! Nobody wants to be the worst! Everyone wants to be written about constantly! Everyone wants endless endless ENDLESS attention, and if we don't get it we fucking get frustrated and angry and VENGEFUL! Vengeful on our lovers and soulmates and fellow human beings for not feeding our starved beings around the clock until they choke and die! Why are we such selfish creatures! Let's all be snowmen and turtles dancing around a pipe smoking octopus with smiles smiles smiles!