I saw mary bear yesterday and started to cry as usual although I was trying really hard to just be straight-faced the whole time and it worked a little bit but I couldn't help it. It was just one of those unexplainable things that are actually quite explainable (I'm not over shit) but you can't ever bring it up because she will be mad with you and you will go home and think about it and maybe mope a little and watch tv a little and go to sleep dreamless and void of any positive thoughts, play with some figures until you fall asleep, the down blanket isn't warm enough but isn't cool enough for the summer either. I filmed some friends of mine and they were very beautiful and filming them was the best thing I've done all summer. I usually think what other people find boring to be amazing.

I really don't know how I feel. I've been listening to some old French tapes I have because my mom threw away most of the cds in my car. I looked crazy, sitting there on the park bench holding a stuffed psyduck and two big bags, both filled with pipes and marijuana and balloons. I waited for Alan to come pick me up and already I knew my life was just beginning. I wanted to tell him to keep driving and never take me home but in reality I was too scared of starting up. Maybe tomorrow.

-george

P.S. I don't actually go to sleep without thinking good thoughts. I'm always thinking good thoughts, things just aren't as genuine. For example, I'll be picking apples from a tree in my dream and I'll be very warm and smiley and psyduck and ronny and mary would be there and nowadays they never show their faces.