an appropriate thing to wonder in the mornings;

WHAT, exactly, is the name of the bed bug that always seems to make our hearts all itchy at night? is it a mosquito? spider? venus fly-trap? once i figure it all out i'll let you know and hopefully we won't have this heartache problem anymore. the nights are dangerous, WATCH OUT!!!

and on to more significant topics,
i've decided my trip starts on the fifth

i suddenly don't want to write anything anymore. i really don't have much to say...
i'm saying goodbye to you california, for good, and i don't know what to say. i want to hug you and thank you for all the good memories you've given me, but at the same time i want to run away from you and never look back ./. my stomach hurts when i'm around you. there are too many lingering memories that haunt me too often. creepers creepers ghosties

maybe i'll write a play. i want to sound more mature and eloquent in my prose and i don't think i can do it this morning. where did my bravery go? i couldn't even kiss someone i loved on the cheek yesterday i've become so cowardly. what the hell
hellllllo? bravery? are you there ? ? ?


GEORGE
braverry, where ARE you??? *shouts into the distance* BRAVERY!! BRAVERY!!

BRAVERY
george, george! i'm right over here! i'm stuck in these prickly things!

GEORGE
stay right there, i'll come and save you!

BRAVERY
NO ITS A TRAP!!

GEORGE
hm?

(all of a sudden "COWARDICE and ROMANCE" jump out from behind the bushes and tackle GEORGE to the ground. he doesn't make any sounds, but merely looks at them blankly)

COWARDICE
i've got you now! romance! tie him up!

GEORGE
no! what the hell? since when did you two become friends?

ROMANCE
when me and bravery split up

GEORGE
won't you two just get back together already? it's making my heart ache too. i feel like everything that used to make me attractive has been slowly--

ROMANCE
SHUTUP ALREADY! listen to you! you fucking sound like cowardice! i hate all of you

COWARDICE
WHAAAAAA

BRAVERY
someone unTIE me please. i have a lunch date in the afternoon and this is getting quite ridiculous

GEORGE
HOW ARE QUALITY TRAITS GOING TO HELP ME OUT OF THIS JAM???

JAM
im raspberry and delicious today! let's forget all our troubles and have a taste of me!!

GEORGE, BRAVERY, COWARDICE, ROMANCE

OKAY!!! *they all make sandwiches and the curtain falls*


--------------------------------------
GEORGE
i wish i could tell you how i feel about things. i mean about the world, about love, about maybe what we could do to make our dreams a reality. i never felt comfortable telling you things i suppose. i didn't want you to think i was crazy.

HAZEL
well maybe you should just suck it up and tell me everything. enough of this sentimental cowardly bullshit. what happened to your courage? your SPICED-TONGUE??? you used to be so charming in speech, now you sound like you have a stuffy nose all the time

GEORGE
i've been melting my brain

HAZEL
i know. why?

GEORGE
hurts.

HAZEL
still?

GEORGE
it's not like i want it to! i write about it, hoping i will finally get over EVERYTHING in my life, EVERY inadequacy, EVERY past transgression, but what am i supposed to do if at the end of it my heart still aches and my soul feels much too empty?

HAZEL
go out and see people like you've been planning to do

GEORGE
i know.

HAZEL
you WILL have fun you know. it always happens this way. you wonder what the hell you've been doing and when you go on your trips you become yourself again and maybe this time you can be a bit more charming and passionate and find a nice girl to mess around with

GEORGE
i'd feel guilty

HAZEL
you shouldn't. she doesn't. no one in your life seems to feel guilty about what's going on in YOUR life, so why bother thinking about them?

GEORGE
i know your intentions are great and all, but that really hurt like hell what you just said.

HAZEL
*looks saddened for the first time in this conversation* oh. i didn't mean to hurt you sunshine. *puts a hand on his shoulder* you just need to be tougher, that's all

GEORGE
i AM tough, i'm just stuck behind this goddamn veil of insecurity and kindness and i can't seem to get out of it!

HAZEL
you don't like hurting people. it's okay. but you really have to let yourself stop being hurt

GEORGE
i don't know how

HAZEL
you will, eventually. just start living more in the moment and i think you'll be fine.

GEORGE
O-KAY.

HAZEL
you wanna come inside?

GEORGE
i might as well.

HAZEL
don't say that. say yes, or kiss me, or whisk me away into my bed but don't fucking say "I MIGHT AS WELL" like a big doofus or something

GEORGE
remember how i told you i called dasha richard nixon that one night?

HAZEL
*laughs a bit* yeah. i still don't understand why you said that

GEORGE
i don't either. let's go already *EMBRACE*

*curtain*

-------------------------------------------------

HAZEL
so i slept with georgie pie last night.

TERESA
REALLY?? how WAS he? better? is he over that whole birdseed thing yet?

HAZEL
i don't think he cares about birdseed... but yes, he's a lot less tense about everything. his heart is coming to the right place. . .

TERESA
why was he so goddamn tense in the first place?!

HAZEL
his heart still hurts. as much as he wants to stop, he still lingers over EVERYTHING! i don't know what to say to him, except the obvious things. "get over it, move on," and so on.

TERESA
*sees small scratches and bitemarks on HAZEL's neck* WHAT, is he into THAT now?

HAZEL
he's always been into it. i just needed to do a little convincing

TERESA
he sounds pretty whipped. how'd you do that?

HAZEL
he needed to be, just a little bit, don't think he's a coward or anything, he's not anymore. in fact, i'm probably in love with the guy.

TERESA
me TOO. what the hell is so CHARMING about him?? he acts like hes sixty and six and sixteen all at the same time! nobody is like him!!

HAZEL
you shouldn't hurt him so much. the nights are hard enough on him. he came over last night after knocking on the door of your apartment, shivering like a little mouse.

TERESA
i have NEEDS!

HAZEL
...

TERESA
it makes me feel less guilty okay? he's the one that wants to be promiscuous anyway, he talks about it all the goddamn time in that stupid writing of his

HAZEL
how can you fault him for only wanting the best for you?

TERESA
*whimpers a little bit* i just wish he would be that way NOW instead of just talking about it

HAZEL
i know. but he knows that too you know. it takes a lot of self doubt (And self confidence) before you can just BECOME something like that. remember, he's still young.

TERESA
i don't want to wait around for him. there are thirty year old men over here that have all the experience he's supposed to get and i am just tired of not getting fucked properly

----------------------------
*REAL LIFE TERESA*
wait, i can't believe i just said that. you make me out to be some sort of sex-ridden WHORE!

*REAL LIFE GEORGE*
aren't you?

*RLT*
(pouts) not funnny

*RLG*
(throws a pie into her face)

*RLT*
where did you get THIS from??????????

*RLG*
just keep reading already


---------------
HAZEL
you're joking right

TERESA
i'm just scared. we do just fine together. i just wish it could be more normal

HAZEL
i think people should stop pushing him around. what the hell has he done to make people do that to him? jesus.

TERESA
i miss him like crazy. oh kitten . . .

HAZEL
ill tell him you said that. he's got this new move now, a SET of new moves as a matter of fact. i thought he was being hokey when he said it, but he actually used them (all of them) and they felt AMAZINGGG

TERESA
you're kidding

HAZEL
NOPE!

TERESA
well good for you two

HAZEL
I'M ONLY AN IMAGINARY INTERMEDIARY!!! DON'T LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!