(enter GEORGE. he is wearing natty clothing and has a big black eye. his arms hang loose but have a tired look to them)

GEORGE
what do you want *clutches own hair*? what do you want, what do you want? i don't know, i don't know, stop asking. *going a little bit crazy* I can't believe you told dasha all those typical stupid things again. it's not like you actually BELIEVE in those things. *pause and sort of looks at his fingers for a second sadly* i don't have many people i can be unconfident around. i always have to put on this sort of stupid show and
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it's not true. maybe this one would better be served as prose and not as a play. so here goes, but this time with complete honesty.

i do know what i want, it's just taking a little while longer than i expected it to. i think a lot about the lives of my parents and those that came before me, desperate not to repeat their mistakes. don't fawn over certain girls, don't do drugs, do what makes you independent and happy before it's too late. i'm a complete wreck about the first two, but definitely a lot better than i used to be. i act like i'm very worried about certain things, about love, about the future, but to be honest i'm not really scared about anything. i have this underlying confidence to everything that i do and say that even i can't comprehend sometimes. but i know things will be okay and ill try my best to make things okay for other people, and hopefully in the middle we can have a bunch of great moments and laugh together and maybe gain some sort of validity for being here one day.

writers are often melodramatic for no reason. i feel that this is a part of them, a part of me, the endless need to create conflict. i remember telling dasha last night how ugly i've been feeling lately and she sort of snapped and said "i never want to be in another relationship again!!" and i realized that i can't be so goddamn melodramatic about anything. other people do enough of that already and it's not helping any cause. i suppose there are a lot of things we really should keep to ourselves. people like confidence, and the writer side of me is probably the most UNconfident person in the world. but i have a lot of other sides too, the humorous side, the charming side, the dumb and smiley for no reason side, and so on. i'm pretty adventurous and happy to be alive too. there's just a certain tone to the nights and the mornings that seem to fill me with sadness and longing for old times, and i can never grasp the air of warmth and transcendence that always seems to be passing me by.

what am i upset about?
i could say past transgressions and remorseful activity, but it'd be overkill. i've said those things too much. no, the thing i'm most upset about is that life hasn't started happening yet but i have to leave everyone i love just to go do it. and it's not that i'm being melodramatic again, saying "no one understands me, i need to get ouuuut of here!" it's more a matter of proving to myself that i can do things on my own and be a success. the people are nice in montreal. the people are nice here, too, but harder to find i think. wait, hush for a second

hear that?

it's the sound of everything about to happen
right
about

now