(in the tune of NIGHT ON THE SUN)

TERESA
hi. *kisses bs on the cheek* how are you today?

BIRDSEED
eh, i've been okay. my rush albums came in the mail today

TERESA
let's SEX already!

BIRDSEED
what? hold on a second, i wanted to open these.

TERESA
NO! *pulls him toward the bed while he desperately holds on for dear life*

BIRDSEED
agh!! stop forcing me!

TERESA
NO! YOU NEED TO LEARN! SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX!!!

BIRDSEED
GAaaRAAAH

(at this point in the scene, teresa devours birdseed and all that is left is his skull and some rush t-shirts on his pillow)

TERESA
that was nice. how bout a ride?
---------------------------------------

GEORGE
so...

SAMANTHA
yeah?

GEORGE
nothing (god i wish i remembered how i used to make her laugh)
-------------------------------------------
GEORGE
so...

JULIE
yeah, so i'm going to get my bachelors of arts in the fall, and hopefully i'm going to be getting an internship to seduct-co, this really nice little sexual arts company in los angeles.

GEORGE
that sounds nice. seduct-co... wait, what does a sexual arts company do?

JULIE
well, we smoke a lot of cigarettes and bang a lot *laughs*. we just sort of paint and do art of a more sexual nature. bare legs under blankets, lava lamps with big boobs (HUGE, GARGANTUAN), kitty kats with smaller ones (perky; jello-tenous- prounounced gelatinous), women kissing, men kissing, whips and chains over a bronze fireplace, a sculpture of that sex goddess braunica braun and her boyfriend wormfeed, a bouquet of dildos, a-

GEORGE
wait, what? you made a sculpture of braunica? i used to date her

JULIE
really? yes, well, she's quite amazing. she's done wonders for the advancement of the female anatomy

GEORGE
(what's that even supposed to mean?) yes, well, she was a great lover, but not that great of a soulmate.

JULIE
that's too bad. i hope you find both *winks*

GEORGE
do you want to get out of here?

JULIE
no thank you! *runs away*

GEORGE
GRAHAHH!
--------------------------------------------------
GEORGE
I... NEED....

BRAUNICA
OKAY, but let me at least kick WORMFEED out, he's going to be rather sad if he sees us fucking in front of his very EYES

GEORGE
I...DON'T... CARE... YOU..

BRAUNICA
OKAY ALREADY! WORMFEED, GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE! (he leaves) *EMBRACE

GEORGE
BMAIDMAFSOEIFMASELFASLFEIMAESLMASEILMFAISEFLAFMEASLFMAE

*after embracing in a whirlwind of passion, the stage turns black for a few moments and then lights up to the two of them in bed, both smoking a cigarette*

GEORGE
GOD, i needed that. thank you

BRAUNICA
oh, whatever. *takes a drag* you really need to cut your hair it kept poking me in the eyes

GEORGE
...

BRAUNICA
ok, sorry. um.. i liked those moves you used near the end there?

GEORGE
WHY ARE YOU ASKING IT LIKE A QUESTION

BRAUNICA
*laughs* i really did! i just like giving you a hard time (puts her head on his chest and breathes slightly. she closes her eyes and smiles a bit). georgie, will you take me to france already? please?

GEORGE
i can't just yet. i have to go see teresa

BRAUNICA
THAT tramp? she's just like me except her NAME is different!

GEORGE
she's not like you. she's a lot more innocent

BRAUNICA
i'm going to hit you. sometimes i feel like you have no idea who you're talking about or WHAT you're talking about. you always say the same general things, you always have, but your audience, i feel like you're talking to, i don't know, people who read your BOOK or something. what was that you called her again? "angel?"

GEORGE
people make too much of my writing. it's only there to make me feel better.

BRAUNICA
*kisses him inbetween his two nipples, and then nibbles on his right one *

GEORGE
*tickled, but likes it* (this is too much, i know. i'm shirtless while writing this so feeling unnecessarily amorous than usual) wanna go again?

BRAUNICA

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE!!! *takes out a knife, stabs herself, and jumps out the window*

GEORGE
(not knowing exactly what just happened and is taking a second or two to mull over it)
...braunica?

*CURTAIN*