I am staring into the eyes of a girl who is around seventeen years old. She has bags under her eyes and her hair frizzy and unappealing. I only tell you this because she looks as tired of life as I am.

The other day Millard and I were at Hollister, which is this store that sells very trendy clothing to anorexic teenagers and sometimes their anorexic parents. I saw such a pair while I was there. The mother, forty or so, was scolding her daughter for not being fashionable enough and persisted that they meet somewhere else in the mall as she was embarrassing her. Usually I would have let this go, but I was in a particularly bad mood due to the number of Tsunami victims rising and my brother not selling me my car back. I proceeded to yell at the mother at the top of my lungs, shouting something along the lines of this:

"LISTEN, WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, HUH? YOU'RE FORTY FUCKING YEARS OLD! THIS IS YOUR DAUGHTER FOR CHRISSAKES! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO BE, PRETENDING YOU'RE SIXTEEN AND WEARING SHIRTS THAT NEVER FIT YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH? EVERYONE IN THE GODDAMN STORE KNOWS YOU'RE JUST A SPOILED OLD HARLOT WITH A SHITTY PERSONALITY, TRYING TO BUY HER WAY INTO SOCIETY! WELL FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS STORE!"

I proceeded to leave the store with Millard, who was speechless. I was honestly getting very sick of fake-breasted soccer moms and emaciated little teenagers, and the stress-relief this event gave me was quite gratifying. Also when I got to my girlfriend's house, her piquant little smile made everything okay again. It's funny how yelling at a total hag can make your day a helluva lot better.

Note: Only some of this was true. The piquant smile for instance. I just wanted to let you know that I will probably be scolded by my soulmate for talking about big-breasted soccer moms, even though I said fake-breasted, and will be accused of checking out sickly looking young girls because I was born a man. A boy, rather, who gets a hard-on at everything he sees. Even the goddamn Empire State Building can give me a hard-on if I look at it the right way.