I wrote this letter to Teresa because I've been having an awfully long day today, and I don't think Dasha's ready to hear me be upset.

TITLE: you are still my best friend

Dear Teresa:
I didn't make Play Productions. As I was looking at the list of kids who made it, I realized something that depressed me greatly - I didn't have a chance to make it in that class no matter how good my monologues were at auditions. She typecasted all of the plays, making me the odd man out. Kevin Williams, a black boy, got accepted so he could do all the minor roles. Michael Schiff, a shorter cuter boy, was picked so he could fill the childish roles and maybe Puck from "A Midsummer’s Night Dream". Of course I understand her reasoning for all of this, and if it were up to me, I would've had it no different. It just feels awful though, knowing I did some pretty good monologues (better than the kids who made it anyway) and still didn't make the cut. Well fuck that. I was thinking of quitting drama next year, but it really is something I love, and it's not like I can't take a separate drama class anyway. I'm just angry now.

I've been going out with Dasha for over a month now (our anniversary was June 1st) and I feel like we're going nowhere. It's not that I don't like her or anything. When I first met/saw her, I was damn near in love with her. I probably still am. It's just that PEOPLE ruin EVERYTHING. My friends and her friends and everyone around us seem bent on destroying our relationship. I just want it to be for one goddamn minute OUR relationship and not THEIRS. I want to feel like we're the ones controlling it, or at least one of us is (I don't mean that in the middle-aged divorced couple kind of way). I want to feel like I can talk to her about anything, like I do with you. It's not that I CAN'T talk to her; it's just that we don't really know each other that well yet. Like with us, we've known each other for over three years now and have grown pretty comfortable with each other. It's not like we had the ability to visit each other on weekends and make out all day. All we could DO was talk, and that's how we got good at it. I figure when Dasha leaves for a month, our relationship will either strengthen or weaken depending on how nice our communication is. If we find that we miss each other and write cute letters to one another, I'm sure we'll do okay. She upset me last night though, when she said that she's afraid I'll fall in love with a "prettier emo girl."

In all honesty, I am very upset right now, and I don't feel like studying for my trig final. I don't feel like studying for anything, actually.