I've been having a pretty long week. I don't really want to dwell on it at the moment, so I think I'll just talk about some of the stuff that happened before the whole "Play Productions incident".

Last Saturday was probably the most tiring day I've had in a very long time. It started out with the SAT's, which were more boring that I'd have ever imagined. It started off all right and all. I drove up to Amador Valley High School with Modest Mouse pounding out of my stereo, ready to tackle the SAT's. Ha. I just meant to be cute when I said tackle. Anyway, I entered the room and this blonde girl just kept TALKING about NOTHING, and everyone around her started laughing. I honestly just wanted to sock her in the face while making some witty remark that everyone would laugh at. Goddamn it, I haven't been that witty lately. At all. I mean, I'll be with Dasha and I'll obnoxiously snicker about something and I'll think it's funny at the time, but five minutes afterwards I'll be punching myself for it because I'd look back on it and realize it was just grossly unfunny. Anyway, back to this test. It started off alright I suppose. I got every math question right in the first couple of sections, but I realized that my vocab was really lacking when I took the English part. I mean, I forgot what a goddamn GALE was for chrissakes. So after the first couple of sections, we had a break, which was all right. The only nice part about it was this girl Taryn who I used to go to school with saw me and smiled because we hadn't seen each other for a couple of years. We didn't talk at all though, since we were never friends, but it was nice to see her all the same. I'm sure she told all her popular Christian friends that I grew out my hair but looked horrible still, which I did because I had just woken up an hour earlier. So after this break, we finished the rest of the test and as usual, I got light-headed and every question seemed to get harder and harder. By the end of the test I just sort of gave up and guessed on a few. I wish they took out two of those last sections because I'm sure no one had the stamina to keep up.

After the SAT's I was feeling shitty because I was so tired and I didn't think I got a 1400 like I had hoped, so I figured I'd go to In N Out to get a burger and a strawberry milkshake, since I stopped smoking and gaining weight is the only way I can cheer myself up. I felt like I deserved it though, since I was feeling so shitty. Immediately afterwards I had go to Chem Tutoring for two fucking hours which was pretty awful. It was kinda funny though because I told my Chem Tutor I got a 1410 on my SAT's the month before and she was very happy with me. I don't even know what I'm going to do about those SAT II's. Never mind, I won't think about that.

So after tutoring, I had to get some gas (this is going somewhere), so I pulled up to a Chevron station near the rich side of town and started to pump some gas. As I was standing there waiting for my tank to fill up, this attractive girl who was working on her car asked me "if there were any goddamn towels in the whole gas station" as if she were demanding that I gave her some out of my own pocket because she was more attractive than me. I kind of pretended to look for some, but I ended up just saying no. She went inside before I could really be facetious with her though. After my tank was filled up, I walked up to the counter to get my change. The lady there was about twenty something with bags under her eyes. She was trying to mess around with me by saying "oh we don't offer change here", thinking she was absolute hot shit (I never thought I would ever say that) because she was being witty with me. I just gave her a glaring look, and she asked if I didn't like jokes or something. I told her that I was having a fucking long day, and she sort of apologized, although you could tell she didn't mean it. I got my change and I went over to Dasha's house because I figured I needed SOMETHING to keep me sane before I had to go to work.

I went to Dasha's and when I got there we just kind of sat on the bed and talked for a little bit. I was very delusional because of how tired and upset I was, so I just sort of lied there and talked about nothing. She thought I was crazy and just did her math homework. When I told her I had to leave in about fifteen minutes, she said she had no idea, and we both felt awful. We sort of just sat there and cuddled for a little bit, and then I left. Without really saying anything either, except that I was madly in love with her, which was kind of a bluff because I have no idea what love is.

Work was of course awful.

This week... this week... I hate it. I want to use words and ellipses like ee cummings did. I'm horribly uncreative, but I think it's because I stopped caring a long time ago. I've decided I will start everything again this summer, and maybe buy a camera for real this time.

Anyway, Dasha and I saw Harry Potter 3 last Wednesday which was nice. I'll admit I liked the movie since "Prisoner of Azkaban" is my favorite book in the series so far. I just say that because I grew bored halfway through the fourth one, and I haven't even started the fifth one. Anyway, after the movie and soft kisses, we went to this place called "Q-Cup" which just opened that day. They have these fabulous crepes and tapioca drinks. I kind of humored the girl at the register because I've been to another one of their locations, but I acted like I didn't know anything on the menu. We ended up getting a dessert crepe which was cute because we shared it like a cute couple while sitting at the small cafe table and watching awful Avril Lavigne music videos.

Thursday was pretty disappointing. We went to Q-Cup again which wasn't nearly as nice, and I kept laughing at more stupid things. I grew very upset because I laugh when I'm down, and Dasha kept saying sarcastically, "Yeah, everything is so fucking hilarious isn't it?" We drove to a pool hall, and I sort of just parked there and sat there listening to the Shins. I didn't say anything, because I honestly just felt like crying and smoking a cigarette. After a while she put her hand on my stomach and I sort of turned away. I told myself that when I looked back and I saw her the way I saw her when I first met her, I would be okay again. But if I saw her like I saw her a few minutes before that, I would break up with her. And of course, she was laying there looking beautiful with those eyes, and I was absolutely done for. I learned that night I was an awful pool player, or at least that Dasha is better than me.

I have nothing else to say right now, except that I am horrible at losing. My counselor called me into her office twice in the last couple of weeks just to congratulate me on my book which was a worthless pile of shit. It was nice though.

cya.

-george