Saturday, November 15, 2008

the past still lingers,
im more bored of it everyday. the PEOPLE
talk without me hearing them
the IDEAS are s tarting to make me angry!!!


(ps, except you dash;
you're my favorite whether you realize it or not)

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I think I feel most able to write when I'm completely unable;
walking through the cold air outside and looking at the pretty girls in skirts;
wondering how many people live on the island on the top of that bald man's head;
thinking about former loves and why exactly it is that
someone becomes a writer.

The plays and stories are all extensions of myself, and what persuades
me myself and the former to manipulate or mythicize those around us
to prove some exaggerated point that only exists in a fantasy world.

Yeats... I'm not Yeats, but Yeats put his Maud Gonne in Helen of Troy's shoes
and sent her away on adventures, much in the same way I've put
some of my loves
well
just one
(two, really)
that keeps my quest for self communication on going,
eternal.
We're not like musicians, or even other artists. The true ones
always say that it's not about us,
it's never about us,
ART

is about the expression
is about discovering what we didn't know before,
but why then is it so fulfilling to fictionalize a scene that happened
long ago into something
that you desperately want to happen in the future

We're not myths, i'm not tiresias, people aren't leda or
hera or zeus,
we're people -

and unfortunately, we cant rise up as jesters on stilts and save anyone;;;


kindness, right? and empathy?

theres a pride in all artists that keep them going. i've gone through
the four girls and one boy kissing my eye lids and telling me im beautiful
though synthesized happiness,
it was enough to inflate my ego for the remainder of my youth (probably
poor
and incorrect
indetermined what we think of
myself?)

the musicians are the ones we prod at, that are filled with pride and determination
and crazy, and i think writers are just filled with the crazy and the personal lust
for achieving something greater than ourselves.

musicians

i'm tired of talking about them
we KNOW about them

artists i think are as self fulfilling as writers. but musicians should never be.
i think i've found that if a writer ISNT self fulfilling, he lacks the emotion that
can truly attach his heartstrings to anothers and


well



we need turmoil you know?









and i suppose my greatest concern is that i try to find turmoil within myself
because the fun part,
the performing and acting, that's the life part
but the ART

why does it consume everything inside of you
why does it HAVE to