Saturday, July 28, 2007

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAO WAAAAAAAAAO

WAOOOOOOOO WAOOOOOO

just letting the good times roll and not trying to think too hard about it !

Or..

AT ALL!




HELLLLLLLLO

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

my belly is warm and my heart is toasty.
what am i supposed to talk about?

(SEYMOUR and ASURA are sitting around shirtless in ASURA's apartment. Her dogs are licking themselves constantly and SEYMOUR is laughing at this. ASURA puts her head on SEYMOUR's shoulder as they intertwine fingers. They have been talking about insecurities and fear and attraction and former everythings.)

SEYMOUR: You want to hear something crazy about my past girlfriend?
ASURA: Sure.
SEYMOUR: She didn't even like to kiss.
ASURA: That's fucked up!
SEYMOUR: I KNOW.

(SEYMOUR and ASURA have, prior to this, been kissing nonstop passionately and wildly for hours. This is the first time either of them have ever wanted to do something like that for so long, without caring about anything else in the world. [really] As the narrator, I would like to tell you, the audience, that if you could see them kissing you would have a hard time believing that anyone could be more passionate.)

ASURA: *kisses him on the cheek* You're so pretty, you know?
SEYMOUR: mm-hmm... (ASURA laughs) I guess you aren't too bad yourself.

(ASURA and SEYMOUR look into each others eyes, give each other a wry smile after a bit, and get back at it.)

--------------------

the night that prompted it all, aka "i want to KNOW you. i mean know know you, about everything, about-"

(This scene takes place a few hours after the scene at the pizza shop. ASURA and SEYMOUR have been kissing intermittently between conversation for a few hours.This is the first time SEYMOUR has ever felt as attractive as he did, and at the same time, as attracted as he was to ASURA. ASURA is walking him out to his car AND- )

ASURA: *inbetween kisses* So... take the i17 and well ... you... um...
(SEYMOUR doesn't say anything, but uses his hands to let her know he knows already. He doesn't want to let go of her, in fear that he'll lose her the second they stop touching.)

[NOTE about ASURA:
Until this point in her life, she has always sort of put up an emotional protective shield around herself in fear of getting hurt. She is reluctant to let anyone in, in fear that they will leave her because of her own self-inhibitions. She is very self-secure because of her past, but just has a hard time when it comes to OTHER PEOPLE. SEYMOUR speaks -]

(After gazing into her eyes for a long while, SEYMOUR puts his hand on ASURA's cheek and says-)

SEYMOUR: (Really meaning it, never even know what it meant to mean something this much) Asura... I want to know you.
ASURA: Really?
SEYMOUR: Really really, I mean about everything. I don't know what it is, I just think if I don't spend every second with you the rest of the time I'm here I'm going to regret it. Nobody has ever made me feel this good before.
ASURA: *looks at him, closes her eyes and thinks about something farway, and kisses him deeply* I want to know you too.

(They spend the remaining hour exchanging glances and soft touches. Their goodbye seems to be taking an eternity, but neither of them seem to notice. When SEYMOUR finally drives away, ASURA sits down on her couch with her dog TWIGGY and touches her lips remembering.)

ASURA: I hope he calls me, twiggy. I really hope he likes me.

(SEYMOUR, on the other hand, has ten cigarettes in each hand and is trying to replay the entire night back in his head. He WOULD be listening to music reminiscing fondly, but his stereo has been broken for quite some time now.)

SEYMOUR: Fuck... am I in love? What am I DOING? How can someone so attractive and sweet be so into me? Fuck fuck fuck, I'm leaving for EUROPE soon what the hell am I supposed to do? FUCK! (Though he is worrying about the future, he still has a smile on his face. For the first time in a while, he feels PASSIONATE.)

Sunday, July 22, 2007

i went to the funeral this morning,
and though i grieved like hell, i don't think there's much else to talk about. the service was really depressing (i didn't wear any black because i don't have any black clothes in my luggage! grandma would have laughed though), but it brought some closure to an otherwise elusive topic. i've been running away a lot lately. it's been a really stressful week.

so i started writing about old seymour and this girl asura he's falling for, and i suppose that's what i've been thinking about lately. does one really create love stories out of nowhere? or does experience usually dictate creativity? i don't know. one day i can be creative and boisterously funny as all hell, and another i can be ordering filets at the grocers. "two filets please, and a shot of loneliness!"

Seymour, 22, has just finished his studies in computer engineering (basically, a route i thought of taking at one point in my life. boy was i foolish back then) at Brigham Young University (my uncle went here. he became a "mormon" afterwards, whatever that means. he has had three wives, never at the same time. interesting if he would have though, RIIIITE??). He is fabulously well-to-do, though this fact is not revealed to Asura for quite some time. He enjoys reading, watching Japanese animation, and finding out about all sorts of different music on the internet. He is generally content and happy with life, and makes great strides to take care of himself physically. He is not muscular really, but dresses nice and is very handsome. He is about 5'7-5'9 with long black hair (down below his earlobes or so). [unlike the other characters that are based off me, i don't want him to be completely melodramtic. i mean he'll be nervous and anxious and dorky as all hell sometimes, but he won't be melodramatic. that's a characteristic i've wanted to snatch away from characters at all times]

Asura, 23, graduated a year ago in molecular biology from UC San Diego. She is a small town girl of eastern european descent [what's WITH me and those crazy europeans?! TELL ME!!]. She is terribly sweet and works at the veterinarian hospital as a nurse. She has three dogs, all of which she found injured on the road, and when unable to find their original owners, she brought them in as her own. Unlike most of the girls SEYMOUR's dated in the past, she's a head shorter than he is, around 5'2, and wraps around his body perfectly. She has wavy brown hair down to her shoulders and is constantly giggling and telling jokes. One distinct feature that she has that SEYMOUR really enjoys is that she has yet to try and CHANGE him. This is one thing everyone likes about ASURA, actually. She listens and is easy to talk to and doesn't try to change anyone. She is heavily into electronic/indie music, anime, and JAPANESE CULTURE.


"their first meeting"

(SEYMOUR and ASURA have just met for the first time, after talking a good long while on the internet. They are strolling down Broadway(city unknown, but a city nevertheless with a broadway street) talking nervously and casually bumping into each other. They are really very attracted to one another, and know it immediately. SEYMOUR, with the ability to be charming and suave, disintegrates into a puddle of fumbly gooze [i wanted to combine GOON and OOZE, so um], and talks about nothing in particular. ASURA picks up on this and finds it terribly attractive he's trying so hard)

ASURA: Hey, I suppose the new Harold Trotter is out, do you like him?
SEYMOUR: As much as the next guy I suppose.
ASURA: Well I'M not really into it. I think he's sort of annoying really. I'm REALLLY into gourd of the kings though.
SEYMOUR: Oh... I don't really like Gourd of the kings, i mean it was OKAY i guess but i kept falling asleep and -
ASURA: (eyes him and wonders what he's trying to do with this) Um.
SEYMOUR: I mean, it was okay, I was just hoping Rory or whatever his name was would have some POWERS or something.
ASURA: His name is Proto, and I think he was awfully sweet. (trying to change the subject) Hey. I'm really hungry, lets go get some pizza okay?
SEYMOUR: Okay.

(They walk into a pizza shop where it is SMOLDERING inside. Sweat begins to drip from their foreheads)

ASURA: (Awkwardly) Sure is hot, huh?
SEYMOUR: (wiping sweat off his head and neck with a pizza) mmhmm.
ASURA: (sort of ignoring this strange sweat-absorbing method) You're really cute.
SEYMOUR: (choking) So are you!
ASURA: (flattered anyway) Thanks. (She guides his arms around her and smiles wide. The tension is eased a bit at this point)
SEYMOUR: What are you getting?
ASURA: I was thinking I would get Pup-eroni and Kush-rooms. The pup-eroni is made out of PUPPIES! (laughs hysterically, SEYMOUR just sort of smiles and stares wide-eyed) Oh, I was joking! Um, (sort of looks down awkardly and pulls out some cigarettes from her purse) do you smoke?
SEYMOUR: Yeah.
ASURA: I'm not too hungry anymore, let's go have a cigarette on the patio.
SEYMOUR: Okay.

TIME PASSES AND AN HOUR LATER THEY ARE FOUND ROLLING AROUND IN THE STREET KISSING WILDLY.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Liz: Teresa's really nice. When I called her trying to find you and I was crying she was just like, "Oh... oh jeez." I mean what kind of girl can say that and still be cute? She's ADORABLE!
George: !!! I KNOW! ! !
Dad: You know the only thing I don't like about her? The fact that she's a VEGAN! My only son is only going to eat VEGETABLES!
George: I'm not really that much of a vegan. I really should be though, I've felt awful lately.
Mom: Does Teresa eat EGGS????!!
George :Um.. mom...
Dad: Of COURSE she doesn't! *to my aunt M.O. We call her aunt emmy.*
Aunt Mandarin Orange: What does his girlfriend look like?
George: She's NOT my girlfriend!
Liz: Oh yes she is, did you hear her say oh jeez?
George: Yeah, god she's cute
Dad: She looks like NICOLE KIDMAN! *i said this ONCE to my mom, and i think they've called her that like two million times about*
Emmy: NICOLE KIDMAN! Really?! It's like the real life nicole kidman and tom cruise! You're so short george!
George: T_T

[Paul Krumm, ENGLISH TEACHER shouts from outside: "WEB CHAT FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ARE NOT PROPER ENGLISH! LEARN TO WRITE, HERE'S THE BIBLE! JUDE, GIDEONS, ZACHARIAH!!"]

=-=====----==

Laura: You never explained yourself. I don't think we grew apart. I think I deserve an explanation.
George: *takes a cab to Salt Lake City, head out the window, voice trailing off in the distance* Whaaat's that??! Yeah I'm Gooiiing to caaaaliiiiforrrnniiaaa!!

(In real life though, I'm very very happy Laura chose to take theatre in school. And I'm glad she found someone to be creative with. She needed that more than anything, I just couldn't take on any more burden. What kind of a thing is that to say? I should learn to phrase things better. It's more like THIS:

"I always like to meet new people, and hopefully our paths will cross in the future."

[I learned that from the sex tape])

--------------------
On Sex:

Mom: (to my uncle Ethan) Do you remember when George spent all that money when he was like TEN on all that PORNOGRAPHY?!
Ethan: It's NATURAL! No WONDER he has good taste now! He has EXPERIENCE!
George: Oh HELLO Mr. poison! Put er there buddy.

-----------------------

On old sacred friendships:

Dasha: SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI
George: SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI

(every girl in the world who I've dated): What?! I thought sushi was OUR food! You lied to me!

---------------------------------

On being more of a man:

Dom: How many steaks today? Seventeen?
George: SEVENTEEN MORE PLEASE

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I'm grieving, need alone time !


! ! !

http://www.veoh.com/videos/v276876ch2ysCSS

this is a really good idea when grieving. it's probably a good idea any time.

Monday, July 16, 2007

my grandmother passed away today.

how's that for a fucking tragic new topic?
don't feel so good. she was the one that raised me;
my head is spinny. both of my favorite grandparents are gone now. it feels much like the way i felt when grandpa died. surreal and confused and out of it. my body yearns for a smoke, i'm not going to give it one. i can't write. i ' m just going to go
i'm a lousy goddamn grandson for everything. shit, fuck, everything seems less important , i

FUCK

Sunday, July 15, 2007

WOMEN NEED SPACE OF ALL KINDS

Girl 1: I just love putting things on an empty table! I can't stand all that unnecessary SPACE!
Girl 2: I love tall men. They take up so much space!
Girl 3: Me and my boyfriend are on a little break from each other. We need some space!

Dandelion Brown, after completing her expedition in London and is fantastically hooked to pain medication: SPACE - the FINAL FRONTIER! Put me in a bottle ship, prime minister! I'm ready to fly for my country! *looks around, stumbling* Who put MOUSE juice in my VODKA? Don't you know I"m TERRIFIED of mice?! *falls over*

Me: All this space talk is making me hungry.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

the days feels fuzzy and silly when there's sleeplessness involved. i just wrote a short scene with porge and dandelion regarding their brief stay in montreal together, but i don't think it's fair to write that until it actually happens.


for another thing,
why is it so hard to sleep these days? am i really that goddamn uncomfortable




ALONE: You're scared of being me!
ME: Shutup!
ALONE: Shake my hand then!
ME: I'll have to think about it!



--------

How come my meetings are so awkward?

FRAZZLE, a 29 year old muscular dark man, comes out of WENDY'S (Porcupine's 17 year old kid sister) room at about 8 in the morning. PORCUPINE is contorted awkwardly on her living room couch. He is staying with her during his brief tenure in CALIFORNIA. The COUCH makes him look like a flying V with it's smallness.

WENDY: Porcupine, baby! I didn't know you were here, when did you get here?
FRAZZLE (looks at him, uncomfortably, sort of turns to leave): Um
PORCUPINE: UGha WAH? Whaddya mean the sink runs sour? I'll show you what rhubarb looks like!
WENDY: Porcupine, this is my boyfriend, Frazzle. You remember him, don't you?
PORCUPINE: I'M Frazzled! ha ha ha!
FRAZZLE: Um, nice to meet you.
PORCUPINE: FRAZZLE. (suddenly serious) this isn't one of those WEIRD things is it? Because I know every girl goes through one of these things and I don't want Wendy to -
FRAZZLE: Let the playa play.
PORCUPINE: You're not REALLY like that are you?
FRAZZLE: Of course not, I have white suburbanite clients at the gym!
WENDY: Yes, Frazzle is very well-to-do.
PORCUPINE: Care to join me for a drink?
FRAZZLE: I thought you'd never ask! *pulls out a fifth of cognac and starts gulping it down*
PORCUPINE: This is my kind of guy!
WENDY: Save some for me, I still have MORALS to break!

CURTAIN


Note:
I don't really feel this way.
It's a morning writing exercise.






.... okay a little, as a big brother. But you get the point.

Hippie Dandelion and Professor Porge;

D: Where were YOU last night?
P: Flower power?

Friday, July 13, 2007

Me, after watching John (myself in six years) completely awe an entire audience with his comedy:
Since WHEN did you get so much PRESENCE? I'm ALWAYS talking about how important that's going to be for me to develop! And not just on stage, in life, it's so important!
John: It takes a lot of work. I wouldn't worry about it though, you'll get there.
Me: Why shouldn't I worry about? Isn't it sorta important?
John: No, not really. There are other things more important than that.
Me: Women love presence!
John: That's true. But certain people already love you. You're prone to forget that soon.
Me: I'm not too bad at that. I'm obsessive compulsive when it comes to I love yous.
John: Um. *doesn't know what that is even supposed to mean* Just don't push for it. In order to gain presence, you're going to have to learn the hard way what presence is NOT.
Me: Oh fuck. I'm going to be bombing a lot aren't I?
John: Only for ffour or five years, women included. But you'll be a really happy guy after that, I promise!
Me: *throws a pie at John's face*
John: At least you'll still have your sense of timing.
Me: Fuck off.

JODY: Cast of characters

Jody, the boy who was too big to be a jockey.
Morris, a world-renown jockey, wants Jody to fail beyond a doubt for no measurable reason.
Mariana, the object of Jody's affection, Morris's niece from the Netherlands.
Mace Horsecracker, code name for one, Steven Pearling. He is an undercover horse jockey who rides masked in order to avoid confrontation. As Steven Pearling, he is a marked man. Here for comic relief.
Zen Braun, a mischief maker, wiling to make mischief HERE, through cameo.

Manhattan Dandelion and Porcupine Brown:

Dandelion: Oh, you MUST try these tofu blocks! They're fabulous!
Porcupine: I believe this sauerkraut sandwich is much better. It's straight from Albany!
Dandelion: You know my relatives used to eat sauerkraut. They farmed it in Altona.
Porcupine (pulls out a cigar): Is that right?
Dandelion: You shouldn't smoke those Wilfred, they'll burn your eyes out. *takes a drink of her Tom Collins*
Porcupine: Don't tell me not to smoke these when you're drinking gin out of a lime cup, darling.
Dandelion: MUST you start with this again?


*earlier*

Porcupine: Honey, can we stop playing pretend and move to Paris already?
Dandelion: ONLY AFTER A HUNDRED MORE DRINKS! MANHATTAN DANDELION IS ON THE GO! HURRAY! GOODBYE! ONE MILLLION!!!

John: You're terrible at calling people back.
Me: I always have been. I'm always just reminded of it when I'm back here. I liked it better when I was only expecting calls from three people.
John: You're going to regret it at the end of this.
Me: I won't. I'm starting Saturday, I had a lot of errands to run. I've changed, you know.
John: You change all the time but it doesn't mean you're ever going to start calling people back. I'm terrible at it myself, but at least I started introducing people.
Me: No you didn't.
John: Okay, but you should at least try. It's a filthy habit.
Me: JUST LET ME BE ME FOR NOW! I HAVE A LOT TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE I LEAVE GODDAMN IT! ISN'T THAT FAIR FOR FUCK'S SAKE! (angrily walks off)
John: God, I used to be so moody.

BLACKOUT

John: Why aren't you answering your phone? Your parents left this morning.
Me: I'm sorta tired from all that stress. And I'm afraid I'll just talk about it with people. I just want to take it sort of easy tonight. I'm already partying with Dom tomorrow.
John: You should make sure to see Dasha, she thinks you're ignoring her.
Me: I'm not.
John: Is it what Teresa asked? You shouldn't worry about that.
Me: I know. I'm not worrying.
John: How come you sound dejected today?
Me: I'M TIRED!
John: You can't use that as an excuse anymore! *kicks him in the shin*
Me: OW, you goddamn bastard!

Me ten years into the future, we'll call him John;

John: I rode an ostrich today.
Me: How was that?
John: It was incredibly fast.
Me: What a fast lifestyle we live.
John: It's going to take a lot of hard work. This didn't come out of nowhere, being able to ride an ostrich on the weekends.
Me: I know.
John: And you can never lose hope especially when things go really sour.
Me: I know.
John: And they will.
Me: I know.
John: Want a cigarette?
Me: No thanks.
John: atta boy

Thursday, July 12, 2007

George 1: Hey, don't you think this CD dasha made sounds pretty good?
George 2: She copied her music taste off of us.
George 3: I love the way Rosanna looks! Did you see that EYE of hers? Let's put that in a play!
George 2: Did you just say blueberry muffin squares?
George 3: No, but I... wait, maybe, did I? I would say that, wouldn't I?
George 1: You guys shutup! Listen to the music, doesn't that fill you with EMOTION? Think about that great scene Teresa wrote that we're trying to copy off right now!
George 2: (offstage already, nonchalant, as if this is all very usual of him): Um, I'll have thirty-seven blue blue muffin squares, twenty-two saran wrap strawberry creams, forty nine- grunkopf gobblers, and um, three veggie burgers?
George 1: Since when did you start eating veggie bugers? When TERESA got you eating that crap? Be a man, for chrissakes!
George 2: (dejected) I only have money for TWO veggie-burgers. oh well, extra sauce please! and shape it into a heart, won't you, Teresa used to do that and I really liked it until she made the bottoms all soggy-
(enter BOTTOM; Bottom is a huge bum made out of cardboard and candycanes. he is also later the antagonist for what will be known as, "Assy and me")
BOTTOM: you have teresa on the brain! you're falling into bad habits again! you don't even feel so good! I don't feel so good!
(BOTTOM leaves)

George 2: ANYWAY, so she made the bottoms all soggy and ten I think she started doing it on purpose because i started making it a point of it to tell her even when they were al right. I'm so funny. ha ha ha ha ha!

George 1: We DO have her on the brain. Let's think about how funny we are.
George 3: (thinks of a vague joke off in the distance) "ha, ha, ha, almost anything can give me an erection! i can get an erection if i look at the fucking eiffel tower the wrong way!" i'm so good!
George 1: I'm the funny one.
George 2: No, I'M the funny one!
George 3: I'm all mixed up! (suddenly inside a large paper bag) How the hell do I get out of this paper bag?
George 1: How the HELL did you get into a paper bag?
(enter George 4)
George 4: I'll only accept travelers checks this time around, Monsoon Man! But next time you'll answer to the candlestick in the DINING room!
George 1: Who are you?
George 4: Peacock.
George 3: Let's get 'em!
George 1 & 2: OKAY!
George 4: *pulls out his rifle and shoots all three dead*
(enter George 5)
George 5: You shot 'em all again?
(George 4 shoots George 5's hair off)
George 5: You fucking bastard! *Throws a pie in his face*
(George 4 starts sniffling)
Don't even start that now, you hear me? God. (looks at hair) I have to do the fucking COMB OVER? Do you know how many years I had until I had to DO this? I HATE you!
(enter George 6)
George 6: ha ha ha ha ha, nice COMB OVER buddy!
(enter Teresa 3)
Teresa 3: Yeah, nice CAKE over! You said cake right honey? Let's go get cake okay?
(george 2 gets out of his death state at the thought)
George 2: Yeah, let's go get some CAKE! (links hands with Teresa 3 and cheerfully walks off stage and orders more food in the distance)
George 4 (dejected): I thought I got him!
George 6: You would have if you weren't shooting cut up pineapple slices at people.
George 4: Well I didn't really want to hurt anyone! I just wanted to be melodramatic! And then given the offchance that they would be struck blind, that was worth it wouldn't you say? That'd be quite the luck, and since I'm really the lucky kind of guy - - -
George 5: MY PINEAPPLE WASN'T CUT UP YOU GODDAMN BASTARD!
George 6: Damn these suburb moms are cute.
George 5: You're both idiots.
(Teresa 1 walks on angrily)
Teresa 1: YOU FORGOT TO DO THE LAUNDRY! NO SEX FOR A YEAR! (walks off)
(Teresa 2 enters)
Teresa 2: What's that? SEX FOR A YEAR? You got my number! Who's up to bat? Mr. Massage, are you there?
(Massage 1 enters)
Massage 1: I use my hands so articulately and dexterously no one can give a more passionate and soothing full body massage like me! And I kiss with vivacity all the sensitive parts of a woman's body to properly...."
(Massage 2 enters)
Massage 2: MY MASSAGES ARE LIKE BEING SHOT IN THE BACK WITH AN ARROW! No spine relief here!
(Massage 3 enters)
Massage 3: Well I feel pretty good, and I guess I AM pretty good? Wait, I'm getting a massage too right? (the three of them look around the room and wonder who everyone is) Um.. (pulls out a mango) You guys want to share this with me?
Massage 1: Okay.
Massage 2: Those make my teeth feel all stringy. They make me want to floss or something.
George 1 (from the grave): You're all a bunch of emotional handsome bastards! Go to hell!
Teresa 976 (stupidly drunk, offstage): YAaaA you'REE SOooO hanDNsomE!!
Teresa 2: I want a mango!
Massage 1, 2, & 3: Come with us!
Teresa 2: Okay! I've always DREAMEd of being with THREE Mr. Massages! (to the Georges) Spater boys! (Teresa 2 walks off stage with the three of them. Applause, seemingly that of a favorite recurring character on a television show follows from the crowd).
George 4: I wish I had watermelon slices. That would be funny too.
George 5: WHEN IS MY HAIR GOING TO GROW BACK, JESUS!
George 6: We just got fucking DISSED!
(a snort from Teresa 2 is heard from off stage at the use of the word, "dissed")
You fuckers got us UN-laid. Back to the fucking last inch of the bed where it's totally uncomfortable and no one feels good and you get the LUMPY pillow thrown at you and then you're pushed into this really sharp awning like they used to do in those concentration canmps and (INTERRUPTED BY)

(offstage)
Teresa 2: oooOOhhOH (moan moan) DOCTOR massage? I never KNEW there was a DOCTOR massage! COmE HEeeeEERRE *AMOROUS *!

George 6: GOD THAT'S THE STUFF I'm TALKING ABOUT
George 5: (sad), we were supposed to get laid.
George 1 and 3 (surprised): Why the hell are we DEAD all of a sudden? And what's this about you guys not getting any? Aren't the Massages PART of us? How are they-
George 4: Why do you guys keep RAMBLING?
George 6: Since when did you start making sense?
(enter George 2 and Teresa 3)
George 2: Hey, we got tofu strips from that Mon-DRUH-gon place. Like eighty-nine people's worth.
Teresa 3: UM, make that THIRTY-nine people's worth! *munch munch munch munch munch*.
(Everyone chases Teresa 3 off stage and the lights dim)
(lights go back on after a moment, still half dim, only shining on TERESA 1)
Teresa 1: THE LAUNDRY STILL ISN'T DONE! I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS! NOBODY UNDERSTAAAANDS ME!!




BLACKOUT
BLACKOUT
BLACKOUT
BLACKOUT
BLACKOUT

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

on where the hell i've been (for JAKE, especially, since he must be wondering where the hell i go during these month long intermissions i've been on):

TAKING A STEP FORWARD
TAKING A STEP BACK
SURE AS HELL CONFUSED ABOUT ALL OF IT.


i was busy finding new facets of life i hadn't seen before in nashville.
busy realizing that some people just grow apart in phoenix.
understanding that independence is a virtue that i must become a part of before even attempting to love again in winnipeg.


you want to know something funny though, my dear?
winnipeg isn't a word under spellcheck. winnipeg isn't even a goddamn place! i made it all up! teresa ate my eyeballs! GOOD NIGHT

Can someone have a more silly goodbye then that?

After all the heart-wrenching arguments, the deep body massages, the kisses on the napes of every neck that holds importance, the long gazing looks when neither person expects anything back, the fragility of the female body (but strong enough to crush a man's ribs), i could not find a better goodbye than:

standing at the air-port lightly touching each other and then when the final moments of my departure were imminent, i looked her in the eye and said,
"i'm leaving soon."

and she simply replied,
"i know."

we hugged each other for longer (and more affectionately) than we had ever hugged before, and as her fingers slipped out of my palms, i felt the saddest attraction i had ever felt up to that point. it was a completely mutual longing, filled with cautious glances back to see when the other person would disappear from sight. and when it finally happened, the moment before we would slip out of each other's lives for some time again, i wanted to run back and kiss her but all i could do was wave. and she smiled, those eyes of her whispering, "romantically awkward, eh?", both of us yearning for just one more touch

but nope.
it's a matter of strength, of boldness, of style, isn't it?

nope.




it's more of a matter of whether or not i can completely rescue myself from a pit of despair that wasn't all that deep to begin with. a hole that is filled with such tragic ideas as self-assurance, true real life independence, a sense of maturity and responsibility, and a newfound want of all my dreams to come true and the development of all my skills and talents for fantasies to become realities.

in other words,

i'll miss the hell outta you owl baby.
don't fly too far from the nest, ya hear? i'll flutter back and help you do laundry sometimes, i know how much you hate that. and you can have the lumpy nest, i promise. you sure do sleep better that way.

goodbye, for now.
we'll see each other soon. what else is there to say? i can't think of a thing.