PERSONALITY CHANGE:
in my play, HAZEL has now become the female equivalent(god i mixed up my e's and a's a million times before spelling that correctly) of professor BUGSLAG, which appeared in TERESA B's "an ode to soy burgers" which was performed at the Orpheum a few months ago. so i suppose you could call this an ALLUSION but i call it downright deceit and plagiarism

voxtrot - the start of something
------------------------
what i really wanted to say:
finding endless ways to show teresa compassion and to get her to fall in love with me even MORESO is one of my favorite joys in life.

my two other favorite joys are gummy worms and laughter, so,
it's pretty easy to see why on earth i write so much foliage before getting to the REAL DEAL!

i've also stated in the past that i find smoking to be the most passionate thing a person can do, that if you're constantly walking around with a cigarette in your mouth, that people will leap at the presence that you provide.
however, i've discovered that in recent years, this has stopped being true. you have to remember that i live in the world that orson welles lived in, forty or so years ago, when filmstars used cigarettes as a way of depicting emotion on screen, so when i say something it's usually not true in the present but true everywhere else.
well since i've mentioned the present let's talk about the present.

in the present, the best way to smoke is not to smoke at all. people really hate the smell of smoke when it gets right down to it.
and it's sort of disgusting too

also, be a person of ACTION and not just a person of WORDS.
i have trouble with this sometimes, being a writer and all, but it's something that i've been taught to live by, and i think it's the truest thing anyone can be.

don't just SAY you'll be something, just go out and BE it already. you only have so much time here you'll discover

of course, it's a lot easier said than done, and i'm already being hard on myself about it, but when you're young you SHOULD give yourself a little stress because if you don't your future is going to consist of rolling back and forth in molasses and you won't even know why you're doing it but i know why. it's because that's the only way people will be able to make a living in the future

i also wanted to note that once you find the girl of your dreams it's very very easy to take everything you've ever known about women and to throw it out the window. and you won't even know WHY, you'll just be doing it! and if you can do it in the right way, she'll think it's cute (or charming even) that you're so nervous and that you're trying so hard, so just keep being yourself. everything'll work out the right way eventually.

the WORST possible thing you can do is start a long chain of insecurity that progressively gets worse and worse and eventually worsens the relationship as a whole. learn how to communicate, and not to let things bubble inside your own head, and things should be okay. mmm

i should probably get working on that play. that means i'm about to eat breakfast and maybe paint a picture of a pomegranate

love,
-george

i just tried writing an advice column on how to attract women, but it sounded hokey and i don't think many people would be able to relate to the advice i tried to give. it's difficult to be as funny and multi-dimensional as i am!

but here's a tip:
try to call your girl either in the morning or at night so your voice will naturally develop a deeper, aesthetic taste. really, they'll love it, and they'll love it even MORE if they know you're doing it on purpose. women really like it when they know you're trying, especially if you're doing it with confidence.

another tip:
learn how to touch your woman properly. i don't know HOW many discussions i've had with people younger than me, trying to be more affectionate but are too scared to do anything. okay, jesus, i know it's sort of a hard concept to grasp for people (i don't understand it actually), but women want to be touched just as much as men do, maybe even MORE so. it's not like in the movies! women are much more ravenous in person! so if you develop a good touch and a nice stroke, you should do fine. don't forget to tease and to joke around, playing with the balance of power, but only in a flirtatious way. if you don't know what i'm talking about, then you and me should probably have a conversation about conversation

oh this is probably the killer;
if you have the ability to make a girl think you are the most passionate person in the room, she'll definitely leave with you. how do you do this? well, i usually do it through compassion, an enormously adventurous spirit, and a sense of humor that few possess. it's also good to figure out how to complement someone in ways they haven't heard of before. oh! this is my favorite trick right here:

when first talking with a girl, start saying things like, "boy is it great just to be FRIENDS," "i sure am glad we're going to be FRIENDS," "being just FRIENDS is going to be terrific," and so on. you know how when a girl does that to you it drives you crazy? well it's because it makes you think there's something the hell wrong with you and it makes you want the other person EVEN MORE! now don't do this too aggressively, or you really will lose her because she won't think you're interested in the least. just be sort of passive about it, charming and confident, and don't forget to tease. i know i say that a lot, and a helluva lot of you don't know what i'm saying, but for those of you that do, never forget. it's really really important.

men are men
women are women
but can men BECOME women?
can women BECOME men?
- gender roles, despite being ridiculous and asinine and troublesome, actually do exist. women are attracted to typical male traits, and men are attracted to typical female traits. it's how we were biologically made up. but the idea that our personalities are different is bullshit in my opinion. i don't think there's anyone that exploits the female/male relationship more than teresa and i do. sometimes she wears the mustache and i wear the dress and that's how we'll get off, and sometimes i'll pull out the bouquet and she'll put out the gun and we'll have a shotgun wedding, and sometimes she'll dance and i'll pour champagne on her and sometimes


DOM
what was the point of this entire entry

GEORGE
to sort of tell myself that i know more about women than i give myself credit for. i forget sometimes.

DOM
oh, that's cool i guess. you know, you really should tell your audience when exactly you're talking to them, and when exactly your writing is geared more towards yourself

GEORGE
why do i need to tell them anything? like i give a shit

DOM
well i don't know if you actually KNOW this or not, but most of the time nobody understands what the hell you're trying to say. you should be clearer in your writing

GEORGE
i have copious amounts of cohesive and cogent (alliteration!!) writing in my backlogs. i'm just playing around right now. i'm twenty, i have that option. and who the hell are you, trying to judge? you don't even write!

DOM
well to be fair, we never really had this conversation. you're making the entire thing up!

GEORGE
true that

JAIME from MIAMI, FL asked,
"George, if it's not too much to ask, could you please let us in on what it's like to live in such a dramatically different world?"

Jaime,,,
the commas and the apostrophes rise up and crush us
with a sense of fear and endless atrophy
(atrophy of what!
your EARS are atrophied!)
and whenever theres a choice in wordplay,
say LEERY instead of WARY (using words people know but think are wrong)
steady your ears
it's CRAZY in here!!
different punctuation ^&^
soft whispers ./.
excited shouts!!
imposing inquisitors?
what's it like being so commanding. . . . . .
ellipsis-y ice cream, ellipsis-y WHY'ce cream

fifty percent hazy
fifty percent mellifluous

i'm going to napa today for a final goodbye trip with my family.
i suppose i shouldn't write about it until it actually happens

(i tried calling you last night to read you that story! now im going to have to pick up a lot of pies to make up for it)

(SARA and GEORGE are at an ice cream parlor. SARA has on bunny ears and is looking around suspiciously. GEORGE is writing in his journal)

SARA
hey what are you writing in there? lemme see *tries to read, but GEORGE sort of hides it from her view*

GEORGE
oh, it's nothing.

SARA
*in a voice trying to imitate her mother* well nothing is always something. let's hear it

GEORGE
*stark seriousness*
if i don't do something soon, i might lose everything i ever wanted

SARA
*takes a bite of her ice cream, not that concerned*
oh stop being so whiny, here, have some more ice cream *tries to spoon feed it into his mouth*

GEORGE
*looks at her for a second, as if deciding whether or not he should be angry or upset, but chooses to give her a big smile instead* okay, sara. *opens mouth pretty wide* ahhhh.

SARA
what am i, your servant! get your own ice cream! *laughs*

GEORGE
HEY! well, i suppose you don't want to go rob sockington's later

SARA
WHAT? I DIDNT SAY THAT!!

GEORGE
WELLLLLL...

SARA
okay okay, you can have some. *hands it to him*

GEORGE
thanks *smiles*

(as the scene goes on, SARA keeps looking at her ice cream and reacting to how big she thinks it is, and GEORGE always smiles when she looks up at him. when her eyes are away from him, however, he looks a bit disturbed, though always mindful and tender with how innocent SARA can be. he doesn't want to make the same mistakes with her, or with anyone anymore for that matter. he is holding his tongue!

SARA, however, catches him looking sad for a split second, and tells him to close his eyes. he closes them, playing along as he usually does with her, not expecting what is about to come. SARA scoops a big spoon of whipped cream and splats GEORGE's nose with it. he jolts around awkwardly, but comically, and finally collapses with laughter. as the scene ends, the people in the background start moving faster and faster, being noisier and noisier, but GEORGE and SARA remain at the same pace. they sit there laughing and smiling and passing kind looks back and forth, and the stage eventually dims to black)

(GEORGE wakes up in a completely blank room. there are no windows, only bright white lights. the room is shaped like a cylinder.)

GEORGE
um, this is a little too much don't you think?

(suddenly a commanding voice with the authority of god SAYS)

VOICE
NooOOoo! You have been summoned here for a REASON!

GEORGE
oh.

VOICE
YOU, YOU are going on ADVENTURE!

GEORGE
yeah, i know

VOICE
oh. (starts sounding more normal and less threatening) well have fun then. don't stop to think to much, just go live.

GEORGE
what do you think i should do in nashville??

VOICE
make friends with as many people with accents as possible

GEORGE
that's a pretty good idea

VOICE
and go rob that bank with SARA, eventually. she's really serious about that you know

GEORGE
i know, she told me while she was eating an ice cream sandwich

VOICE
how do you know that

GEORGE
she kept telling me how great the strawberry in neapolitan ice cream was except she kept calling it "napoleon" ice cream.

VOICE
oh the things we do when we're young! ho ho ho h oho

BLACKOUT

DOROTHY
you shouldn't blame anyone but yourself

TOTO
that's a really good point. god, i do that a lot don't i, blaming other people for my own insecurities. i treat people so badly sometimes

DOROTHY
just say you're sorry and move on. don't get so stuck on things

TOTO
it's hard when you're lonely

DOROTHY
well you're going on that trip to see your friends, toto! that should cheer you up, right?

TOTO
yeah. i'm just bouncing too much before i get there

DOROTHY
too much bouncing can make anyone feel sore

TOTO
i'm sorry if you made you feel rotten the other night, dorothy. i just don't want to leave you is all.

DOROTHY
you don't need to apologize for how you feel honey. i know. it's dreadful what we're about to go through. but our goodbyes always become hellos again so you don't have to worry! okay? we have the rest of our lives to live. who knows what will happen?

TOTO
can i see you tomorrow anyway?

DOROTHY
sure, toto. now get some sleep

TOTO
bark woof growllll/../../.

TERESA
you're going crazy with this

GEORGE
i'm going crazy in general. it's all happening so fast i don't know what i'm doing

TERESA
yes you do. you're going to come visit me. and we're going to do drugs and listen to music and go to my parents wedding anniversary. it'll be fun

GEORGE
i don't know if that's what i want to do. does anybody think about me as much as i think about them?

TERESA
yes, ME, MORESO even.

GEORGE
oh right

TERESA
where are my cds?

GEORGE
they're on their way!!

TERESA
you liar!

GEORGE
um! * throws a pie in her face and runs off stage*

TERESA
GEORGE!!

*CURTAIN*

GEORGE
is it okay if i just start over there? if i figure out what the good parts are and just bring them out completely when im there?

DAVEICORN
hey what do i care? less mess around, i've got a couple strap ons

GEORGE
GOD... NO. well... NO.

DAVEICORN
okay, offers still on the table. as to your first couple questions i'd prefer a vibrator or two vibrators, but that's it.

GEORGE
what the hell are you talking about? where's naomi, she makes more sense than you do

DAVEICORN
she's watching sex and the city and throwing up

GEORGE
why's she throwing up?

DAVEICORN
teresa's quiche

GEORGE
oh right, right. shit, what was i saying?*thinks for a second*
oh yeah. so i'm starting over in a new place! aren't you excited for me?? say you are

DAVEICORN
you're such an attention whore. *nuzzles his sideburns* ... but i sort of like that

GEORGE
you're creeping the hell outta me

DAVEICORN
i heard about your gay experience

GEORGE
well how many STRAIGHT experiences have i had? fuck you!

DAVEICORN
i'm just saying is all. im a unicorn anyway, we don't have sexes.

GEORGE
well that's just great. you have a real talent for making me forget what i'm talking about

DAVEICORN
then let's FUCK already!!

GEORGE
you're always in the mood!

DAVEICORN
i KNOW! it's what i DO!

GEORGE
you should leave

DAVEICORN
can't i just sleep in your bed

GEORGE
NO! GET OUTTA HERE! *kicks daveicorn off stage*

god, what the hell are with unicorns and sex

*BLACKOUT

(brief)

SARA
hey how many ice cream cones do you think i could eat in an hour

GEORGE
i don't know. six?

SARA
okay!!

there are a lot of things better left unsaid.
i really need to work on my patience with that. it's hard when you really actually do wear your heart on your sleeve.

more on this:

DOCTOR JONES
oh my god, how is this physically possible, a man with a HEART on his sleeve?! this is crazy, insane! how are you alive right now?

GEORGE
well fuckin jesus dr. jones. you sure do make me feel better about it

HAZEL
i can't believe you ended that entry that way. everything is about to happen right now? who the hell do you think you are, miranda july?

GEORGE
well, i thought of her AFTERWARDS but not DURING. i was mostly thinking about teresa and sex the whole time, and how i'm probably going to mess around with as many people as i can on the way to her

HAZEL
don't tell me that! i tell her everything!

GEORGE
oh go ahead and tell her. she already knows, anyway. it's not that important, we'll probably laugh about it more than we cry about it.

HAZEL
you're such a different person around different people. i've never seen someones moods change as rapidly as yours do!

GEORGE
hey, i'm an emotional guy.

HAZEL
so it seems!

GEORGE
mhm

HAZEL
can i ask you a question?

GEORGE
okay.

HAZEL
how come your plays are so goddamn sexual

GEORGE
because EVERYTHING is goddamn sexual! stop putting the blame on me!

CURTAIN

(enter GEORGE. he is wearing natty clothing and has a big black eye. his arms hang loose but have a tired look to them)

GEORGE
what do you want *clutches own hair*? what do you want, what do you want? i don't know, i don't know, stop asking. *going a little bit crazy* I can't believe you told dasha all those typical stupid things again. it's not like you actually BELIEVE in those things. *pause and sort of looks at his fingers for a second sadly* i don't have many people i can be unconfident around. i always have to put on this sort of stupid show and
--------------------------
it's not true. maybe this one would better be served as prose and not as a play. so here goes, but this time with complete honesty.

i do know what i want, it's just taking a little while longer than i expected it to. i think a lot about the lives of my parents and those that came before me, desperate not to repeat their mistakes. don't fawn over certain girls, don't do drugs, do what makes you independent and happy before it's too late. i'm a complete wreck about the first two, but definitely a lot better than i used to be. i act like i'm very worried about certain things, about love, about the future, but to be honest i'm not really scared about anything. i have this underlying confidence to everything that i do and say that even i can't comprehend sometimes. but i know things will be okay and ill try my best to make things okay for other people, and hopefully in the middle we can have a bunch of great moments and laugh together and maybe gain some sort of validity for being here one day.

writers are often melodramatic for no reason. i feel that this is a part of them, a part of me, the endless need to create conflict. i remember telling dasha last night how ugly i've been feeling lately and she sort of snapped and said "i never want to be in another relationship again!!" and i realized that i can't be so goddamn melodramatic about anything. other people do enough of that already and it's not helping any cause. i suppose there are a lot of things we really should keep to ourselves. people like confidence, and the writer side of me is probably the most UNconfident person in the world. but i have a lot of other sides too, the humorous side, the charming side, the dumb and smiley for no reason side, and so on. i'm pretty adventurous and happy to be alive too. there's just a certain tone to the nights and the mornings that seem to fill me with sadness and longing for old times, and i can never grasp the air of warmth and transcendence that always seems to be passing me by.

what am i upset about?
i could say past transgressions and remorseful activity, but it'd be overkill. i've said those things too much. no, the thing i'm most upset about is that life hasn't started happening yet but i have to leave everyone i love just to go do it. and it's not that i'm being melodramatic again, saying "no one understands me, i need to get ouuuut of here!" it's more a matter of proving to myself that i can do things on my own and be a success. the people are nice in montreal. the people are nice here, too, but harder to find i think. wait, hush for a second

hear that?

it's the sound of everything about to happen
right
about

now

(GEORGE has been laying around reading Jehovah's Witness' brochures and working on puzzles. Enter TERESA. She looks at him and smiles, does a cute little pose in the white dress she is wearing and embraces him)

TERESA
I missed you pussycat.

GEORGE
*smiles and sorts of jokes around with her*
Oh yeah?? (kisses her on the neck) How much did you miss me?

TERESA
WELL, when you put it that way (closes her eyes and sighs for a second)... i suppose not that much.. mmm

GEORGE
(kisses her forehead gently and runs his fingers through her hair. he moves closer and closer to her lips but quickly notices something in TERESA's eyes before he gets there)
were you just looking at my cock??

TERESA
*eyes light up with joy at someone discovering her mischievous secret*
MAYBE!! *laughs helplessly, cherubically* how did you KNOW?

GEORGE
*laughs*
whaddya mean how did i know? i've always known! you do it all the time!

TERESA
oh sweetheart! no boy's ever been that honest with me! how do you know everything? *tries to lift him up to spin him raound*

GEORGE
hey!! *lifts her up instead and spins her around like an airplane*

TERESA
*laughs so very childlike, with an innocence to her that no man could touch but the right one could bring out*waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

(the scene plays out with them playing and being affectionate with each other. a brief moment passes where the both of them are quiet and sitting on the couch and suddenly TERESA makes ringing noises and sparkles her fingers to the sounds of the rings. GEORGE runs over, puts on a very metropolitan newspaper type voice, and answers her feet. during all of this GEORGE basically puts on a one-man show for her, while she completely giggles and laughs)

GEORGE
hello?? yellow journalism? yep, right away! what's that? two bottles of cancer wax? no problem!

TERESA
i LOVE it when you play with my feet!

GEORGE
then let's play all day and all night!

TERESA
okay!! *EMBRACE

-------------------------------

(TERESA and GEORGE are sitting around drawing with markers)

GEORGE
okay guess the celebrity. *holds up his picture*

TERESA
*laughs at how he draws like a six year old* ummm, topanga lawrence

GEORGE
no!! cmon, that's a character, not a celebrity

TERESA
well characters count don't they?

GEORGE
well... okay, yeah, then they count, but it's not topanga.

TERESA
mmmm...

GEORGE
ya give up?

TERESA
no, but tell me anyway

GEORGE
it's miss scarlett holding the rope!!

TERESA
oh drat. i should've gotten that one. guess who mine is

GEORGE
oh my god is that colonel mustard?!

TERESA
yeah!! *kiss* i love how much we like playing clue

GEORGE
*smiles wide again for seemingly no reason* hey.. i got a good one. don't look

TERESA
okay *tries to look anyway*

GEORGE

-----



i just read a couple stories and parts of my play to teresa. i realized the more i write about this the more fictionalized she becomes and i don't want it to become quite that way yet. i can't finish this play because i don't know how it ends.

GEORGE
i just need to get out there! it's hard just t o write about it, i want it to be happening right right now!
(soon enough;

i'm going on a trip to napa. tomorrow is reserved for an old friend and an old

TERESA
hi!!!

GEORGE
hey librarycard. *takes her by the waist and holds her close to him. they look into each other's eyes and he kisses her passionately*

TERESA
well where'd that come from??

GEORGE
*growls*
mmmmm

===================

EARLIER TODAY

(GEORGE has been taking online personality tests while waiting for DOM to come over. DOM catches him in the act and says )

DOM
BACHELOR, EH??

GEORGE
*sort of flips around nervously* YEP

DOM
i wonder which one i am *looks through all the different answers*

GEORGE
you're probably the billy goat

DOM
no, i was one of these nicer ones. like the pool boy or something

GEORGE
i wonder what the bachelor means

DOM
it probably just means we're the same you're just a lot hornier than i am *laughs*

GEORGE
*laughs* i guess you're probably right! *laughs start to get maniacal*

DOM
*maniacal laugh of his own*

GEORGE AND DOM
JAMBA JUICE!!!

------------------

GEORGE
... you look beautiful, is all! is that a new dress? who cares? take it off!

TERESA
(seemingly taken aback at this sudden rush of vigor and passion but goes with it)

*curtain falls on them tussling and tugging on each other, until vividly TOO MUUUUUUUUCH*

------------------


TWO YEARS EARLIER

GEORGE
(looking at TERESA's new [straight] haircut and gazing into her eyes again)
*THINKING = "how are eyes so blue? i wonder if i can make an skyce cream cone with these"*
you're so... pretty.

TERESA
well so are you

GEORGE
(sort of flattered because no one has ever really called him that before in that way) aw well thanks.

TERESA
wanna tussle?

GEORGE
YOU READ MY MIND!
-------------------
DAVEICORN
im hungry!!

NAOMICORN
well you can't eat! i spent our last twenty dollars on unicorn weed

DAVEICORN
how come we can only smoke UNICORN weed? the regular stuff is cheaper

NAOMICORN
my mother didn't raise me to be a hussy dave!

DAVEICORN
sorry dear

NAOMICORN
now where are those whips?

DAVEICORN
i thought you had them

NAOMICORN
they're YOUR whips!

DAVEICORN
ohhh right. *scrambles inside of his puffy hair and eventually pulls out a vibrator*
is this it?

NAOMICORN
NO!! check the other tuft!

DAVEICORN
*searches through it* nope *sad*

NAOMICORN
*upset at first but resigned to the fact that nothing is going to get accomplished and suddenly remembers that dave was hungry in her brief moment of sympathy*
aw davie. let me get you some lettuce

DAVEICORN
OKAY!! *plops down on a beanbag chair and falls asleep. he snores loudly*

NAOMICORN
asleep again? (all cast members pop out from the shadows)

*CAST*
THATS OUR DAVIE!! *laugher*

CURTAIN

elefant - sunlight makes me paranoid

a note on the punctuation "./."
teresa and i decided that we needed some punctuation that was softer than a period, because sometimes a period can be so demanding and harsh and some things that are said need to have a more appropriate "softer" tone to them that a period just can't produce. excitement gets an exclamation point why can't tenderness get a flippidy wink?

TERESA
you're so affectionate and sentimental, it just suffocates me sometimes is all

GEORGE
i just don't want to think i wasn't while i was with you. i suppose it's something i've regretted, not showing as much affection as i could.

TERESA
it's okay! you don't have to, show me lots, but just enough and not too much to strangle me./.

GEORGE
starfish

TERESA
(don't call me that) what?

GEORGE
i want to be a whale

TERESA
a whale? where do you suppose you'd go as a whale?

GEORGE
i don't know, the bahamas maybe? france if i could. what are french whales like you think?

TERESA
probably a lot like the stupid quebecian ones. *growls*

GEORGE
i love your natural geographical animosity towards quebec

TERESA
i just hate those damn french canadians so much! i'm scared they're going to change you!

GEORGE
let them change us! we need the change! we'll never stop being us so why not have berets on our heads and stripes on our bodies ? ??

TERESA
they're so HIP!

GEORGE
i know! TRAGICALLY hip! HA HA HA HA HA HA

TERESA
HO HO HO HO HO HO

GEORGE
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA


( THIS GOES ON FOR A WHILE )

GEORGE
for our first date we went to this cozy little place with live jazz music and really wonderful somosas. i remember dressing especially nice this night, a neatly ironed maroonish collared shirt with four buttons to make my neck look a bit chicer (in a joking tone of course, the way he can pull off in such scintillating fashion), a hipster looking blue argyle sweater (and for anyone listening, girls are really into argyle for some reason. i don't even know what argyle means), and a bright set of open brown eyes listening to every action she was giving me. to be honest i only wore that stuff to make her feel happy to be around a joker like me. just like it made me feel like the goddamn happiest guy in the world to know that this goddamn ("nicole kidman") girl was with me . / .

*closes his eyes and laughs to himself. starts humming some jazz surprisingly on beat and mellow, thinks of the night as it really was*

there were these kids from the local high school playing and it felt like for the first time in their lives they were let free from everything in the world we tried running away from ourselves when we were their age. the music was a part of them, a part of all of us, teresa's passiony passion fruit perfume making all of us a bit more teary-eyed than usual, but as it got louder, as the energy spread through all of us (and our eyes met more often [teresa, i don't do this like i used to do i? never again]) and the bass sounded really good and the black guy on stage (who seemingly played EVERY instrument) seemed like the coolest jazz musician we had ever seen, and i swear to god i haven't seen so many kids so happy in my entire life. and with each glance we fell more and more in love and honestly it felt like they were all playing just for us, like we were a pair of celebrities sitting on the front row and that that song was for us, and well after
some more somosas and plenty of wine we danced out of that place when the music stopped playing and we held hands and looked at each other plenty more and that was the first night we were magical together.

you should see us when we're being like that. it's the most beautiful , pretty , wonderful goddamn thing in the world. and when we don't remind each other for a long while it can really make us forget.

i miss you bunny. where the hell are you??

*BLACKOUT*

(this one isn't finished)

negative;

GEORGE
what'd you do today?

(JANE)
um. i saw you. we played frisbee in the park and looked for ice puddles. don't you remember anything?

GEORGE
what's that veronica? you wanted to go to the store?

(JANE)
you're so.... GRAAA,.. you're so OLD! where'd your memory go?!

GEORGE
hmm??? pudding pops? oscar the grouch? trash can land? frown town gown? whaddya say to some pop and dancing? elephantitis foxtrot??

(JANE)
i think we should break up

GEORGE
WHAT how many wafers did you say you had? a million?

(JANE)
im going to go

GEORGE
WAIT I NEED TEN SPONGES FOR THE DAISY FESTIVAL TONIGHT!! WAIT!! BETTY COME BACK

(JANE)
*already offstage but yells back at him*
MY NAME IS JANE!

GEORGE
.. what?

(at their usual sushi place)

DASHA
*holds her tummy*
OOOF.. too much chicken terries

GEORGE
*holds his tummy*
leftovers will be soo good though

DASHA
mhm mhm

*the bill comes

i got a fiver on it

GEORGE
*looks at the bill and sees that it cost about five thousand dollars*
okay. *smiles and doesn't even think about the money. he's just happy she's there. for some reason she's the only person in the world that (still) has the ability to turn his fingers and emotions into complete mush*

want to go play in the park for a while?

DASHA
OOF... i should probably go take a nap

GEORGE
okay. *sings you are my sunshine until she falls asleep on the table*

DASHA
stop.. i'm getting.. sleepy. . .

GEORGE
mrawwoowow

DASHA
ki t te n. . *head hits table as she is absolutely knocked out now*

GEORGE
*scheming
hee hee... *takes out a black marker and draws a raccoon face on DASHA*

*CURTAIN*

(enter GEORGE and SARA. they are both wearing bright yellow "bonnie and clyde" leisure suits with super soakers and boomboxes on their shoulders)

SARA
this is the greatest vacation ever!!

GEORGE
'you're tellin me! let's rob that bank over there!!

SARA
okay!

(they run into a bank and )

SARA
EVERYBODY FREEZE!

GEORGE
YEAH, NOBODY MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVEMENTS!

(the bank is closed and no one is inside)

SARA
um.

GEORGE
where'd all the PEOPLE go!! how'd you even break into here??

SARA
the door was unlocked

GEORGE
what TIME is it? like midnight?

SARA
NO!! it's like three in the afternoon? why's the bank closed?? *pouts* i really wanted to do some scheming today...

GEORGE
aw. sorry honey. you wanna go get a drink and find a place to dance tonight?

SARA
oh i guess. will you promise we can rob the bank when it's open though?

GEORGE
sure. let's go. (takes her hand and walks on the sidewalk for a while. for the remainder of the scene, neither of them talk much outside of muted laughs and quiet mumblings. GEORGE stops next to a balloon salesman, buys a balloon for SARA, and they continue on their way. she smiles, but suddenly she lets go of her balloon and it flies up into the sky. SARA cries. GEORGE frantically looks for the closest cotton candy vendor and immediately finds it. he buys her some cotton candy and she is happy again and the curtain falls)

(they are watching "snl in the 90s")

GEORGE
man, i hate beck

DOM
you know who was a beck guy?

GEORGE
who?

DOM
jordan

GEORGE
*laughs* yeah. really. *thinks for a second* you know who else is a beck person though? ...teresa

DOM
*is taken aback for a second, but then comes to a rational conclusion* well, beck girls aren't as bad as beck guys

GEORGE
*relieved* yeah, that's true.

DOM
how the hell did you score THAT anyway?

GEORGE
i really have no idea.

DOM
*laughs like a maniac*

GEORGE
*laughs like a maniac*
we're so lucky!!

*CURTAIN*

DAVEICORN
*nuzzles naomicorn* wake uppp, i'm hungrry *hair suddenly tufts out in all sorts of directions*

NAOMICORN
*rubs horn like a forehead* ugh... my horn... what did we DO last night... *suddenly holds her stomach* agh, what did i EAT last night

DAVEICORN
oh, teresa came over and made some of that unicorn quiche. it was undercooked

NAOMICORN
sounds like her

DAVEICORN
hey do you still have all those whips and chains and things like that?

NAOMICORN
what are you talking about; do I have those whips? WHAT? they're YOURS

DAVEICORN
oh, well are you in the mood

NAOMICORN
you're ALWAYS in the mood!!

DAVEICORN
let's watch sex in the city!!

NAOMICORN
YOU READ MY MIND!

sometimes i say the most awkward things. i love it

i still feel woozy from last night. where oh where does the night COME FROM?

(in the tune of NIGHT ON THE SUN)

TERESA
hi. *kisses bs on the cheek* how are you today?

BIRDSEED
eh, i've been okay. my rush albums came in the mail today

TERESA
let's SEX already!

BIRDSEED
what? hold on a second, i wanted to open these.

TERESA
NO! *pulls him toward the bed while he desperately holds on for dear life*

BIRDSEED
agh!! stop forcing me!

TERESA
NO! YOU NEED TO LEARN! SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX!!!

BIRDSEED
GAaaRAAAH

(at this point in the scene, teresa devours birdseed and all that is left is his skull and some rush t-shirts on his pillow)

TERESA
that was nice. how bout a ride?
---------------------------------------

GEORGE
so...

SAMANTHA
yeah?

GEORGE
nothing (god i wish i remembered how i used to make her laugh)
-------------------------------------------
GEORGE
so...

JULIE
yeah, so i'm going to get my bachelors of arts in the fall, and hopefully i'm going to be getting an internship to seduct-co, this really nice little sexual arts company in los angeles.

GEORGE
that sounds nice. seduct-co... wait, what does a sexual arts company do?

JULIE
well, we smoke a lot of cigarettes and bang a lot *laughs*. we just sort of paint and do art of a more sexual nature. bare legs under blankets, lava lamps with big boobs (HUGE, GARGANTUAN), kitty kats with smaller ones (perky; jello-tenous- prounounced gelatinous), women kissing, men kissing, whips and chains over a bronze fireplace, a sculpture of that sex goddess braunica braun and her boyfriend wormfeed, a bouquet of dildos, a-

GEORGE
wait, what? you made a sculpture of braunica? i used to date her

JULIE
really? yes, well, she's quite amazing. she's done wonders for the advancement of the female anatomy

GEORGE
(what's that even supposed to mean?) yes, well, she was a great lover, but not that great of a soulmate.

JULIE
that's too bad. i hope you find both *winks*

GEORGE
do you want to get out of here?

JULIE
no thank you! *runs away*

GEORGE
GRAHAHH!
--------------------------------------------------
GEORGE
I... NEED....

BRAUNICA
OKAY, but let me at least kick WORMFEED out, he's going to be rather sad if he sees us fucking in front of his very EYES

GEORGE
I...DON'T... CARE... YOU..

BRAUNICA
OKAY ALREADY! WORMFEED, GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE! (he leaves) *EMBRACE

GEORGE
BMAIDMAFSOEIFMASELFASLFEIMAESLMASEILMFAISEFLAFMEASLFMAE

*after embracing in a whirlwind of passion, the stage turns black for a few moments and then lights up to the two of them in bed, both smoking a cigarette*

GEORGE
GOD, i needed that. thank you

BRAUNICA
oh, whatever. *takes a drag* you really need to cut your hair it kept poking me in the eyes

GEORGE
...

BRAUNICA
ok, sorry. um.. i liked those moves you used near the end there?

GEORGE
WHY ARE YOU ASKING IT LIKE A QUESTION

BRAUNICA
*laughs* i really did! i just like giving you a hard time (puts her head on his chest and breathes slightly. she closes her eyes and smiles a bit). georgie, will you take me to france already? please?

GEORGE
i can't just yet. i have to go see teresa

BRAUNICA
THAT tramp? she's just like me except her NAME is different!

GEORGE
she's not like you. she's a lot more innocent

BRAUNICA
i'm going to hit you. sometimes i feel like you have no idea who you're talking about or WHAT you're talking about. you always say the same general things, you always have, but your audience, i feel like you're talking to, i don't know, people who read your BOOK or something. what was that you called her again? "angel?"

GEORGE
people make too much of my writing. it's only there to make me feel better.

BRAUNICA
*kisses him inbetween his two nipples, and then nibbles on his right one *

GEORGE
*tickled, but likes it* (this is too much, i know. i'm shirtless while writing this so feeling unnecessarily amorous than usual) wanna go again?

BRAUNICA

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE!!! *takes out a knife, stabs herself, and jumps out the window*

GEORGE
(not knowing exactly what just happened and is taking a second or two to mull over it)
...braunica?

*CURTAIN*

an appropriate thing to wonder in the mornings;

WHAT, exactly, is the name of the bed bug that always seems to make our hearts all itchy at night? is it a mosquito? spider? venus fly-trap? once i figure it all out i'll let you know and hopefully we won't have this heartache problem anymore. the nights are dangerous, WATCH OUT!!!

and on to more significant topics,
i've decided my trip starts on the fifth

i suddenly don't want to write anything anymore. i really don't have much to say...
i'm saying goodbye to you california, for good, and i don't know what to say. i want to hug you and thank you for all the good memories you've given me, but at the same time i want to run away from you and never look back ./. my stomach hurts when i'm around you. there are too many lingering memories that haunt me too often. creepers creepers ghosties

maybe i'll write a play. i want to sound more mature and eloquent in my prose and i don't think i can do it this morning. where did my bravery go? i couldn't even kiss someone i loved on the cheek yesterday i've become so cowardly. what the hell
hellllllo? bravery? are you there ? ? ?


GEORGE
braverry, where ARE you??? *shouts into the distance* BRAVERY!! BRAVERY!!

BRAVERY
george, george! i'm right over here! i'm stuck in these prickly things!

GEORGE
stay right there, i'll come and save you!

BRAVERY
NO ITS A TRAP!!

GEORGE
hm?

(all of a sudden "COWARDICE and ROMANCE" jump out from behind the bushes and tackle GEORGE to the ground. he doesn't make any sounds, but merely looks at them blankly)

COWARDICE
i've got you now! romance! tie him up!

GEORGE
no! what the hell? since when did you two become friends?

ROMANCE
when me and bravery split up

GEORGE
won't you two just get back together already? it's making my heart ache too. i feel like everything that used to make me attractive has been slowly--

ROMANCE
SHUTUP ALREADY! listen to you! you fucking sound like cowardice! i hate all of you

COWARDICE
WHAAAAAA

BRAVERY
someone unTIE me please. i have a lunch date in the afternoon and this is getting quite ridiculous

GEORGE
HOW ARE QUALITY TRAITS GOING TO HELP ME OUT OF THIS JAM???

JAM
im raspberry and delicious today! let's forget all our troubles and have a taste of me!!

GEORGE, BRAVERY, COWARDICE, ROMANCE

OKAY!!! *they all make sandwiches and the curtain falls*


--------------------------------------
GEORGE
i wish i could tell you how i feel about things. i mean about the world, about love, about maybe what we could do to make our dreams a reality. i never felt comfortable telling you things i suppose. i didn't want you to think i was crazy.

HAZEL
well maybe you should just suck it up and tell me everything. enough of this sentimental cowardly bullshit. what happened to your courage? your SPICED-TONGUE??? you used to be so charming in speech, now you sound like you have a stuffy nose all the time

GEORGE
i've been melting my brain

HAZEL
i know. why?

GEORGE
hurts.

HAZEL
still?

GEORGE
it's not like i want it to! i write about it, hoping i will finally get over EVERYTHING in my life, EVERY inadequacy, EVERY past transgression, but what am i supposed to do if at the end of it my heart still aches and my soul feels much too empty?

HAZEL
go out and see people like you've been planning to do

GEORGE
i know.

HAZEL
you WILL have fun you know. it always happens this way. you wonder what the hell you've been doing and when you go on your trips you become yourself again and maybe this time you can be a bit more charming and passionate and find a nice girl to mess around with

GEORGE
i'd feel guilty

HAZEL
you shouldn't. she doesn't. no one in your life seems to feel guilty about what's going on in YOUR life, so why bother thinking about them?

GEORGE
i know your intentions are great and all, but that really hurt like hell what you just said.

HAZEL
*looks saddened for the first time in this conversation* oh. i didn't mean to hurt you sunshine. *puts a hand on his shoulder* you just need to be tougher, that's all

GEORGE
i AM tough, i'm just stuck behind this goddamn veil of insecurity and kindness and i can't seem to get out of it!

HAZEL
you don't like hurting people. it's okay. but you really have to let yourself stop being hurt

GEORGE
i don't know how

HAZEL
you will, eventually. just start living more in the moment and i think you'll be fine.

GEORGE
O-KAY.

HAZEL
you wanna come inside?

GEORGE
i might as well.

HAZEL
don't say that. say yes, or kiss me, or whisk me away into my bed but don't fucking say "I MIGHT AS WELL" like a big doofus or something

GEORGE
remember how i told you i called dasha richard nixon that one night?

HAZEL
*laughs a bit* yeah. i still don't understand why you said that

GEORGE
i don't either. let's go already *EMBRACE*

*curtain*

-------------------------------------------------

HAZEL
so i slept with georgie pie last night.

TERESA
REALLY?? how WAS he? better? is he over that whole birdseed thing yet?

HAZEL
i don't think he cares about birdseed... but yes, he's a lot less tense about everything. his heart is coming to the right place. . .

TERESA
why was he so goddamn tense in the first place?!

HAZEL
his heart still hurts. as much as he wants to stop, he still lingers over EVERYTHING! i don't know what to say to him, except the obvious things. "get over it, move on," and so on.

TERESA
*sees small scratches and bitemarks on HAZEL's neck* WHAT, is he into THAT now?

HAZEL
he's always been into it. i just needed to do a little convincing

TERESA
he sounds pretty whipped. how'd you do that?

HAZEL
he needed to be, just a little bit, don't think he's a coward or anything, he's not anymore. in fact, i'm probably in love with the guy.

TERESA
me TOO. what the hell is so CHARMING about him?? he acts like hes sixty and six and sixteen all at the same time! nobody is like him!!

HAZEL
you shouldn't hurt him so much. the nights are hard enough on him. he came over last night after knocking on the door of your apartment, shivering like a little mouse.

TERESA
i have NEEDS!

HAZEL
...

TERESA
it makes me feel less guilty okay? he's the one that wants to be promiscuous anyway, he talks about it all the goddamn time in that stupid writing of his

HAZEL
how can you fault him for only wanting the best for you?

TERESA
*whimpers a little bit* i just wish he would be that way NOW instead of just talking about it

HAZEL
i know. but he knows that too you know. it takes a lot of self doubt (And self confidence) before you can just BECOME something like that. remember, he's still young.

TERESA
i don't want to wait around for him. there are thirty year old men over here that have all the experience he's supposed to get and i am just tired of not getting fucked properly

----------------------------
*REAL LIFE TERESA*
wait, i can't believe i just said that. you make me out to be some sort of sex-ridden WHORE!

*REAL LIFE GEORGE*
aren't you?

*RLT*
(pouts) not funnny

*RLG*
(throws a pie into her face)

*RLT*
where did you get THIS from??????????

*RLG*
just keep reading already


---------------
HAZEL
you're joking right

TERESA
i'm just scared. we do just fine together. i just wish it could be more normal

HAZEL
i think people should stop pushing him around. what the hell has he done to make people do that to him? jesus.

TERESA
i miss him like crazy. oh kitten . . .

HAZEL
ill tell him you said that. he's got this new move now, a SET of new moves as a matter of fact. i thought he was being hokey when he said it, but he actually used them (all of them) and they felt AMAZINGGG

TERESA
you're kidding

HAZEL
NOPE!

TERESA
well good for you two

HAZEL
I'M ONLY AN IMAGINARY INTERMEDIARY!!! DON'T LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"physical pain and emotional abnormalities"

so apparently the world thinks i'm too gentle because i've been getting hurt like CRAZY over the past day or so and it's starting to forcibly turn me all rugged. the only rug i need is on my kitchen floor thank you very much (i thought it was funny i said kitchen floor instead of living room floor. kitchen floor sounded smoother but made a lot less sense, so i used it. probably to make YOU laugh. you you you, i miss you, did you know that? i miss when we'd get coffee and just sprawl all over the place laughing about EVERYTHING. what was i saying? oh right, that rug joke was pretty cute, huh?).

so an example,
last night we were drinking pretty heavily (six tecates and fifteen shots of goldschlager? who NAMES alcohol anyway? i would've called it flakengute which means good flakes in deutschland where im from originally, so unless schlager is the english word for flakes i dont know what to make of anything), and alan and i were in very punchy moods and for a brief moment we were just swinging at air as hard as we could and for some stupid reason i decided to lean my head in during one of alan's punches and he smacked me square across the face pretty hard. he kept shaking his hand at the wrist and saying his hand hurt like hell. i kept saying how much it hurt (it did) but how my facial reaction really didn't express anything (i had a big confused smile on my face. FIGHT CLUB HA HA HA HA HA "stop the presses, george ha is the chicest (i look up so many words, im a catastrophe) goddamn writer on the planet! he makes allusions to the hippest most modern of things!!! pay the man!"). everyone kept saying how much they liked drinking with me because of how happy and excited i was being. i just liked how social everyone became all of a sudden when i got excited. sometimes i feel like the world spins on my shoulders and if im not blowing everyone is all glum and livin in frowntown.

so as if that punch didn't do it (it hurts pretty bad today to be honest. i just like being tough so i don't react, but GOD am i in physical agony. it's making me feel sexy as hell though, so watch out gals georgie's comin to town), the world decided that i should throw up every single thing i consume today. and believe me, i throw up rather infrequently (though i did have a very embarrassing [i can't believe i spelled that correctly! how appropriate headmaster porge!] late night encounter with starfish but i'll just stop there), so throwing up all morning is not something my body is used to. i'm starting to think someone's out to get me i'm so rattled. okay i'm not, i just miss being gentle. this new found sexiness is hard to contain, but i promise i'll try my best to anyway (for you GIRLS out there;"woos and catcalls"). so what was i saying?
right all this pain

kayla's over with her boyfriend so we went to fly kites and i thought i was such a stud getting mine to the end of the string but before i knew it the kite was too far and it crashed and i had to go through HELL to try and get it back. first of all, there were prickly things EVERYWHERE and i decided TODAY of ALL days to not wear socks (i also need to get a better sock collection, i've had the same socks all my life and they're awful) so they were pricking my solesons and toebows and then there was this FENCE i had to climb and it scared the hell outta me because it had barbed wire up on top and after that experience i suppose ill never climb a barbed wire fence again (i didn't notice at the time because i was so exhilarated that i had climbed over a fence that high, but i was bleeding like crazy from my arms and tummy), and then when i saw the kite it was STUCK IN A TREE! and since it was up so high all the string got tangled up in the branches and i kept going at it until i realized that it was a tree and trees gobble up everything in the wind and there was nothing i could do. it was the first time in my life i think i got upset with a tree. and so i didnt want to climb the fence again (we were up on very high hills by the way) so i walked down the other side and as i got to the walkway at the bottom there was this girl walking by and she shot me a look like i was some sort of CREEPER leaping out of the bushes so she walked fast fast fast and when she looked back again i was holding just the kite spool and had this very pleasant smile on my face that sort of told her the entire story and she stopped and we laughed together and said goodbye with our eyes. and so as i walked back through (we were at a dog park which was a funny place to go fly kites) the park and up the hill i thought of what i was going to say but kayla saw me and just yelled "ITS OKAY" (i like it when people just know things already and you don't have to say anything because they understand and it's really okay) and we went to starbucks and i got passion tea with apple juice instead of lemonade and they didn't make it that well today but i was already hyping up this concoction to kayla and i said take a sip it's soooo good, even though i already knew it wasn't as good as usual, and she tasted it and had a look on her face like it was good but it wasn't THAT good and she said, ".. . this is HELLA good, but you know it would taste better with lemonade" and i wanted to run back into the store and throw that drink at that guys head (okay i didnt, but i just might throw a drink at someone's head for no reason one day). so that was that and on the ride home i felt like throwing up some more (headachey!!) and i thought of basketball and my plans for the summer and put on the decemberists and here i am writing again and it feels good.

the wind is really nice today. i like it when he's not too cold or too hot but more on the cooler side and gentler than normal. and then i liked it when he got really excited and blew as hard as he could but it still wasnt too hot or to cold it was perfectly cool and felt amazing.

also, kayla did something which i didnt comment on at the time (we were driving and i was smiling to myself about it thinking that she actually meant what she was saying) but ill comment on now.

kayla (to her boyfriend): "hey, do you know what i want to be when i grow up?"

(B-F): "what?"

kayla: "inspirational. *smiles wide*"

(B-F): "oh, cool"

it was the sweetest thing. and it wouldn't've (i like how i use two apostrophes when i combine THREE words. im breaking grammatical barriers!!! [but im starting to agree that any exclamation points past the third one are just too much]) been as sweet if the person didn't mean it in the way that she did. in fact, if i told that story to dom or (i was going to say teresa here but i realized she would absolutely love this sort of thing. she's sweeter than anyone i know! of course she would!) something (good word choice here) he'd probably say "TYPICAL! I'M GONNA THROW A ROCK AT YOUR HEAD AND MAKE A BILLION DOLLARS WITH ALL THE GOLD IN THAT ASIAN SKULL OF YOURS! HA HA HA!!!"

but i like my friends to be that way. if everyone were as loopy and optimistic and gentle as i was, the world would implode on itself. i'm not that gentle though i'm learning. i realized i play up my soft side way too much and this entry was my way of saying to you, audience,

that when i'm feeling punchy WATCH OUT!!! im gonna get ya!

it's true. it's very very true and you should know that right away.
---------------------------------------------
on a side note, teresa b asked me the other day, "hey, why don't you feel good in the PRESENT?" (in reference to my blind optimism about the future)

i was going to answer this in a silly way like the other questions, but i think this one deserves a serious answer and a joking answer.

the serious (but silly) one:
i'm scared, i think. but i shouldn't be. it's just that everything is happening so fast and i'm getting so old all of a sudden and i honestly don't know where to start. but i'm travelling soon again and usually a healthy dose of good people is what i need to get going, and when i do get going, everyone can attest to how good i can be. don't you think so? we laugh together so damn much, you and me (audience). i'll never forget that
so i'm trying to be more social and happy about the present and you know, thinking about how tomorrow might be the last day really puts some pep in my step (is that TWICE now that i've used pep today? fabulous!), and i've been writing and going out a lot more and feeling generally great about the weather. and i'll be honest, i miss teresa like crazy and am getting very sad that i'm really leaving a lot of people here. whenever i hear people say goodbye already i don't know what to do. life is about to move so fast and the future is going to be my present and who knows how my body will take it? i AM gentle is the problem. i can't take any more heartache, and i just want to start over there and it's the starting that's so hard. but it's for the best, i know. i just need to be more brave about it that's all.
(and i am! i'm jumping in shaky and nervous but i'm jumping the hell in there anyway! who else do ya know that would do that? probably a million! but i'm so cute about it aren't i ? ? ? !! ! ! )

i love you guys

-george

hello everyone;
most of you would like to know how many sandwiches i can eat in a day, and let me tell you, it's definitely more than a hundred. if you'd like to know this and many more facts, please write me a fan e-mail asking me absolutely anything you'd like to know, and i'll gladly be able to tell you in an entry!

for instance,
laura from phoenix arizona wrote,
"WHY DA FUK R U SO SAD AL LDA TIME"

thanks for writing laura. to answer your question, i DO love the taste of ginger ale! i really think it's terrible that they don't serve canada dry or gingerbreeze (okay, i made that up) in restaurants and only on airplanes. whenever im on an airplane i make it a POINT to get ginger ale over anything. well when im in canada i usually make it a point to get a beer or something so i feel more ADULT (ooh la la and so on), but that's a rare exception. do they even sell ginger ale in stores? i don't think i've ever seen canada dry just floating around the soda aisle. that's really too bad if you ask me (i only say this cause i go shopping maybe once a year)


jake from vancouver wrote the other day,
"George, how are you so wise beyond your years? Everything you say is fucking heroic man. You've got to come visit me sometime, it's only a ninety hour drive up I-5!"

hey jake, nice to hear from you again.
the thing is, i already HAVE tried professional pie eating and it hasn't worked out for me. i gained about fifty pounds from the (championship [circa 1975]) preliminaries, and i don't think my tummy can handle any more expansion! "what is this, the BIG BANG??" - my stomach
thanks for writing.


more letters later, i just thought you needed an update.

OH and me and dasha went to get sandwiches (crepevine in walnut creek) today and she made this funny comment about how "sevens" jeans were known for making your bum look good, and as soon as she said that we touched bums in front of this lady walking down the street and it really made me giggle like crazy

also important;
dom and i agree that there are some times where absolutely nothing is happening yet we're STILL giggling out of our minds because of how happy we are about the future

i think of such mean things when i'm upset
i shouldn't. are they interesting to you? (readers)

i ask because
boy my tummy is rumbling
there is a real subtle sadness to all of this

and CHRIST this little kid innocent adventurous bullshit facade personality i've been copping out with needs to stop.
jesus

kinetic energy;
spontaneous energy;
did you sleep with him?
no
oh.
*pause*

... awkwardness
paranoia?
denial
schizophrenia
nostalgia
human error
opporunity?
lost cause
wait

that shouldn't be the ending, right? where do i go from here . . .






complacency?
contentedness?
happiness?
bliss?

for guys who are a lot more sad than we let on (im a lot less sad; writing is therapeutic (i really forgot how to spell that, and had to even LOOK it up for god's sake! HOW can i be SERIOUS right now??0__o __++)@

roseee
bloooooosoom
boosom
rostanafarioum?
fornicationarium aquarium daisyarium?
rockquarium, shalalium

here comes the tragic part;
what on earth am i doing writing all this in 5 in the morning? why can't i just fall asleep already.
my bed is so cold and lonely sometimes. i miss teresa in my bed. i miss anyone in my bed really. jesus, i felt sad for a second saying that. i miss the way she smelled a flower every opportunity she got, the way she would laugh when i rolled down the hill, when i flail my arms, when she would wrap her arms around my stomach and squeeze the hell outta me for no reason

this person doesn't exist!

i miss my angel;
ive decided she flies from person to person until she gets tired of them and is teasing me until i finally catch her

frantic

god so damn SLEEPY eyed! i almost fell asleep twelve times or so on the drive home this morning. it's crazy, the sorts of things you imagine the windmills and the hills and the sunrise are trying to whisper to you . . .
for example,
continuously, extemporaneously, ubiquitously?
shouting out dreams and future aspirations such as
"WHEN WILL THE WIND BLOW ON THE HEAd
of the EYEBALL
okay TEN FORTH PACES and HOOO
LAND HOOOOOOOOOOOO
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

LAND HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" "

i think all my closest friends have really nice eyes, and maybe that's part of the reason im so attracted to them. (my eyes are pretty nice too in a way. it depends on how much the sun is shining though because sometimes i just look like im squinting all the time)

LOOPY EYES!!!

oh mom, you make me laugh so hard sometimes (the replier in this email is my uncle, which made me laugh because i'd probably say the same thing to MY sister in the same exact tone)
-------------------------------------------------

Date:	Wed, 9 May 2007 13:54:44 -0700 (PDT)
From:	"Ethan Yu"
Subject:	Re: CONGRATULATION.CONGRATULATION .CONGRATULATION
To:	"michelle ha"
CC:

gee... what do you think??

----- Original Message ----
From: michelle ha
To: ethan_yu
Cc: george ha
Sent: Wednesday, May 9, 2007 11:40:26 AM
Subject: Fw: CONGRATULATION.CONGRATULATION .CONGRATULATION

This is a scandal, isn't it?

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: gloto board <gloto_board10120@hotmail.com>
To: gloto_board10120@hotmail.com
Sent: Wednesday, May 9, 2007 4:35:47 AM
Subject: CONGRATULATION.CONGRATULATION .CONGRATULATION

Congratulations

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Our third Quarter Winner Mrs. Ali Fatima from Nepal receiving her winning of US$1,950,000.00 also on the picture is her husband and friends rejoicing with them. 18th November 2006

Copyright (I�ĥ�(B 2006 The Xanga web & SA National Lottery Inc.
All rights reserved. Terms of Service - Guideline

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---

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DASHA
hey, how many cherry limeades do you think we can drink in a day? five? six?!! *smiles*

GEORGE
TEN! TWELVE! NINETEEEEEN!!
--------------------------------------
DOM
hey, how many cherry limeades do you think we can drink in an hour?

GEORGE
SEVENTEEN LARGE!

DOM
YES!
-----------------------------------------------
GEORGE
oh man, these cherry limeades are making me sick! (in the cool californian hip slang way)

transcendence and the exact specifications of the perfect woman;

i would formally like to say that most of what i say on this journal isn't actually what I'M thinking per se, but rather, what a filtered characterized storybook version of me would be thinking if i wore my heart on my sleeve regarding every single situation. of course, i actually DO do that, but a lot of how i'm actually feeling might be excruciatingly WORSE than described here, or tremendously better and more joyful. because well, i write more so when i'm troubled compared to when i'm happy.

this is the main distinction between an online journal and a real life (MOLESKINE!!!) journal. we are all actors in a play, remember??

TERESA
I haven't called you for a while, and you haven't called me back! What kind of soon-to-be relationship IS this??

GEORGE
Huh? Yes I'd like a Shirley Temple, that'd be fine.

TERESA
WHAT? What are you talking about? Shirley Temple?! That's atrocious! What are you, twelve years old? God, I'm so sick of you!

GEORGE
Stop being so condescending about it, willya? You're hurtin' my spirit to be honest. Where's that Shirley Temple? Roy Rogers then? Cherry limeade?

TERESA
Get your own damn cherry limeade! Stop accusing me of all these things when you're two thousand miles away and I haven't said a damn word! You're crazy! You're in your own head! I'm in love with someone else and I'll never admit it!

GEORGE
Me too!! (But I'm "in love" with EVERYONE???)

TERESA
Oh shutup, you have a crush on everyone.

GEORGE
Not dom.

TERESA
ESPECIALLY dom, probably. You fucking faggots.

GEORGE
When did you start using that word so liberally? Is that how they talk up there?

TERESA
I don't know. *thinks for a moment* I guess it IS awful that I say that, I'm sorry, are you offended, you little homosexual you?

GEORGE
WHAT??

TERESA
Oh I'm just kidding, pussycat! Take me, take me with you! *embraces him*

GEORGE
*embraces BACK!* i can't now, i will soon, i need to save up some money and i know you hate how i'm doing it but it's the easiest fastest way

TERESA
*thinks but doesn't really know what he's talking about so she just moves on*
So I saw my parents today

GEORGE
mhmm (thinks about how boring his days have been, and is desperately thinking of things to say but when your days are so boring and lonesome what else can you really say besides the same things that have made her laugh over and over, hoping they'll work to stretch out whatever hope there might be left for- [over-dramatization, but remember that whole writer thing? and what's so bad about being lonesome, i feel like it's normal every so often, and that anyone who says they're never lonesome is a big phony or a personal hero of mine {note: i would like summer to come and for my head to clear up so beautiful girls can be walking around outside and i'll be sitting with a tom collins in one hand and a rack of allergy-ridden hay-fever ribs and i'll shout out, "i love you, i love you, i love you! you're the most beautiful girl in the world!" and i'll kiss them ~~ Oh billoyan, i'm sorry for taking your words but they're so beautiful ~~ } ] PUSSENKATZEN SIESTA!! )[incomplete parenthetical ideas. . . ? !) )

*more on this later, i'm going out to get some juice*
:)

when the SUN comes out though, i'm nothing but smiles!

god it's nice outside today. what am i doing here complaining? g'bye!!

(more on this whole thing later. i just wanted to say now that anyone claiming to be a spiritual leader or something [stupid phony ridiculous hilarious androgynous!] like that but never puts his faults and inhibitions on display for everyone to see isn't a leader at all. of course, we all have our problems that shouldn't be over-glamorized, but to not admit that they're there in the first place is to promote lying and denial at its very worst)

signed,
refreshed george

IN ESSENCE, WHAT I HAVE BEEN UPSET ABOUT:
not wanting to do what i'm presently doing, and having my dreams take different shapes as they seem to largely be determined by someone other than myself.

of course, deep down, i don't REALLY know what my dreams are. to be a success. to be happy. but over the course of my life i've started to define my dreams, and i think that's where my problems lie. i've been told this point over and over again, by elders or friends or family, but i never really understood what it meant to take a look at yourself, just yourself, and to be happy.

i know the types of things i want to be doing in a few years, and the types of people i would like to surround myself with. however, how does someone get rid of all the angst and trouble that accompanies dreams like these?

the answer is you CAN'T!!!

--------------------------------
in this brief exercise we learned that
1. dreams are futile.
2. girls are crazy.
3. this author can really deviate from his true meaning, and that if you look at his first two points carefully you may realize that he could sort of be joking in a way, but be serious in another, and have both points be completely and reasonably valid.

4. you should pay 29.99 for my home course in dreamonomics. you won't be sore about it either. i mean, i'm not going to tell you that you'll be surprised and pleased with the results, but you'll stop being so goddamn sore.

5.
-------------------------
( w h o knows what types of flowers we'll become?
we're just budding budding buds
buds buds buds
budding everywhere
within and therein
and herein and wherein?
flowers-dee-diddly we?)

an update to this morning's rush of emotions:

i'm not this depressed all the time; but sometimes i feel as though i really am just inherently upset at everything that makes up who i am. i get angry with certain things i think are unfair, and i sort of explode in that way.

but let it be known that i can be one of the happiest people in the world given certain circumstances. everyone who knows me knows that, that i can be an unbridled hot air balloon of joy, and whenever someone encounters me when im in that sort of mood generally comes away happy themselves. it's the job of being an exclamation point; sometimes you emphasize rage, sometimes you emphasize happiness. up and down
up and down (i'd like to say i'm the more stickly part of the exclamation point, but would be lying if i said i didn't understand the needs of both parts)


i really do feel especially lonely these days, and that's something i will have to work on. i feel secluded and distant and socially awkward most of the time, and i know that despite how wonderful of a person i am (or could be; i only said that because i think that's generally how people tell you to cheer up, that you should be thinking of how wonderful you inherently are. there's a lot of bs to this of course, but it's better than the alternative), i have my faults and my off-days.

will you accept me for this? i hope you do. and i'll extend the same favor by accepting you for everything that you are. (and of course, i know what you're doing right now, where you are, who you laid in bed with last night, who you're in love with, what you want with life, etc. etc. but none of those things are important i realized. i'm still young and so are you. that's what's important;




so now excuse me while i go play in the park and not have to look at a goddamn wrinkly forehead. i'm steaming again, but i think this time i am justified! i'm angry with the way i've been abandoning life, and will never let another person's actions determine what i'm going to do with my own fucking day.



a story:
yesterday afternoon dom and i were smoking a few bowls in the garage (god it's been filthy these days, i know) and i started hitting every single ping pong ball (i called them "ping pongs" a few times, as if that made complete and utter sense) out of a box that josh had bought, and when i referenced them last night i said "this morning..." and dom laughed and laughed and i started to get paranoid as to when this event actually occured (that it wasn't that same day) and he said "THIS AFTERNOON, YOU MEAN?" and i was relieved. who cares about day to day time structure, i was scared that i was doing this over a year ago!

so it goes when you're a mango living in the belly of a pineapple.