Last night felt like a horribly bad dream.

It started off with me being at my parent's restaurant again to help out. It's very depressing to know that whenever I want to stop helping out, they will send me on a guilt trip, and I will never get out of there. I had a very bad headache, and people kept on coming in, not to eat, but to work, and I was wondering why the hell there were eight people in the front, when there should only be three. And there was this new girl working there who looked like she could be either twenty one or thirty nine, and my dad kept on saying she was Spanish, but she wasn't. And I kept on looking at Jessica as if I wanted to say something to her, but I really had nothing to say. All of this was very unsettling because I kind of wanted to go to homecoming, but I didn't really have anyone to ask, and I just used helping out as an excuse for not going.

So a couple hours after being there (it only felt like five minutes because it really did feel like a bad dream), I just left. Looking back on it, I must have seemed really obnoxious. When the new girl asked me if I liked working there, I said it "sucked", and when she asked me what I like to do in my spare time, I didn't really have anything to say. I don't like when people ask me that because I can never really say anything.

I went to the arcade after this, to meet up my friends Sean and Eric. They were there to hit on a couple of twelve year olds they met online. They're eighteen, mind you, but I think that was part of the joke. I doubt they really cared if they were there or not.

And after a while, these thirteen year old girls walked in with their thirteen year old friends they all had crushes on, half of them stoned, half of them drunk. I was wondering if they were faking any of it, but Eric was telling me how he once saw their eyes very dialated, and I believed him. Also, there was this one boy who smelled strongly of vodka, but he told us it was beer, and we gave him a lecture on how beer is horrible because it takes so much of it to get you drunk. Plus the fact that it tastes awful, but then again, all alcohol tastes awful.

I kept walking outside because I felt very stressed that these thirteen year olds only talked about sex with Sean and Eric and kept on telling them they were hot. They said I wasn't but they were only joking. I don't know why I mentioned that, because I'm sure a lot of people find me attractive. What am I talking about? I don't know. I took a nap in the afternoon which gave me a headache, and I'm still very light-headed. And this pizza I just heated up in the microwave is sitting here, getting cold.

Anyway, I kept on walking outside wanting to have a cigarette, but I was afraid that Sean and Eric would see me smoking, so I just stood outside for a few minutes at a time and then I would walk back in again. And I kept saying it felt like a bad dream to them, but no one was really listening to me, and I just kept listening to them talking about sex. And I didn't understand what was wrong with them. I think it was because Sean and Eric thought that one of them was cute, and they wanted to "get some". I forgot to mention that they told us they were fifteen, when they were really thirteen. We learned this later from the boy who smelled like vodka, and it made a lot of sense.

So later on, I finally broke down and went to my car to have a cigarette and all of a sudden I saw Sean knocking on my window telling me not to go home. And I said I wasn't, and he said I should walk to his car and have a cigarette with him, which kind of made me happy because I didn't know he started smoking. So we were standing there smoking cigarettes for a few minutes, and out of nowhere we saw Eric walk out of the arcade smoking a cigar. And we all laughed because we all walked out of there to secretly have a smoke.

After we were done smoking, we went to my car, and I played Mars Volta for one of the girls, who was really skinny and kind of looked like a boy in a way, and she was having a magnificent time playing around with the buttons in my car. It was kind of peaceful until the corpulent white girl and the colored girl who Eric thought was "hot" said that the skinny girl just wanted to "get some dick" from me. And I got very upset, and asked them why they were talking like that. And they kept saying "whatever" and eventually left. And I closed the door and started talking to this skinny girl, and I grew very bored because I didn't really know what to talk about, and when I did talk, all it was was random things having to do with me being tired.

And after all of this, I just went home.

I was looking at my grandmother just now and I was thinking about how Teresa was telling me about how her grandmother recently died, and that she was leaving for a few days to go to her funeral. And she was telling me how she was feeling very awkward and out of place and lightheaded since her grandmother died. She told me she didn't know why, but I understood. I think I was like that when my grandfather passed away. Anyway, it just made me think of how my grandmother is getting very old and sick, and all she does is watch TV all day and ask me if I'm hungry, and it's just very depressing. She must be very bored, doing all of this and only looking forward to death. No, that was just awful.

A few nights ago my friend Rob Love came over. Jessica thinks he's very cute, if I haven't told you yet. Anyway, he brought the movie "Hercules in New York" which is Arnold Schwarzenegger's first movie. It was really corny, and we kept laughing when we were watching it. After it was done, Rob stayed over for a few hours more because he didn't really have anything to do, and I asked if he was ever going to leave, and he asked me if I had anything to do myself, and I really didn't. And I kept making jokes about him because he was picking at his face and eventually he started bleeding, and he had to run to the bathroom to get some tissue. And I kept laughing and making jokes that my mom was going to come home and wonder why this white kid wearing a hat was bleeding all over the place, and why she was "knee deep in blood". And then Rob started playing at my guitar and it was sort of peaceful.

And whenever I think about money to buy some albums, it always depresses me because I'm growing very lazy over the book I'm publishing, and how I'm supposed to be very enthusiastic about it, but I'm not. I don't know how I'm going to live as a writer when I'm older. I just don't know. I hope that made sense.

And sometimes I wish I had some friends to drive with late at night with the wind hitting our faces and listening to music that we only like because it makes us feel inifinite. And last summer I had friends like that. Blaise and Grace. And it makes me very sad because I don't talk to them anymore, and I really do miss them.

cya.

-george