FUTURE SELF
you're so groggy

PAST SELF
i didn't mind kissing her, that wasn't so bad.

PRESENT SELF
OH MY GOD WHAT DID I DO

"She going to
realized that she was wrong for broking our relationship."

my favourite:

"POT JUST MAKES YOU HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-TIMMY K"

what I saw:

"I believe that pot smoking is just another symptom of Liberalism. Once someone goes out of his or her way to accept the immoral and unholy as the norm, they just open the door to drug abuse and criminal activity. Anyone who is smoking that stuff might as well have a loaded gun in their mouth; it is just as dangerous.

Jesus, come quick! America is killing itself." by Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett

----------------------------------

I've decided to have a loaded gun in my mouth all the time as my new habit. We'll see how well I can do in class THEN

knock knock knock knock knock
knock knock knock
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

****
O_o!
Hello, what?

:(
Will you PLEASE turn down your music, it's two in the morning.


****
O_o
We're not playing any music...

:(
You always play your music please turn it down, PLEASE.

****
O_o
I'm sorry that you can't sleep but honestly we're not

:(
Turn down that music okay, I have to come down here all the time.


****
O_o
You're not listening to me.

~~~~
-_- (offstage)
zzzzz

:(
TURN DOWN THE MUSIC



****
O_o
Listen, we're NOT PLAYING ANY

~~~~
-_-
fauuhh WHAT? Damn it sad guy, shut the FUCK up, we're not playing any music GOD DAMN IT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*******************************************************<><><><><><><><><><>
```````````]]]]]]]][[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

incorporate these into your writing dont let anyone stop you;










__________

what we do as people:

"IM SICK OF YOUR BULLSHIT" - aka im sick of hearing about your problems,
here are all of mine over and over and you keep listening and opening
your heart but dont you dare do it to me

deal of the day:
wanting to come clean or forever letting your best friend live in bliss

outside factors:
paranoia

reason for sin:
not feeling like a human being for six months, having no actual love in my life despite the false pretense of it happening. being attracted but not attractive

what im told about myself:
IT DOESNT MATTER YOURE STILL A SCUMBAG

how i solved it:
getting second and third opinions

what i want now:
resolution

when i want it:
who knows

what really happened:
i called teresa really upset asking her if she thought i was still a decent human being, and she said it made sense. it's not like we were a couple by then anyway, she said.

she trusted me though, which is something i didnt think about when i told her. i did realize i was potentially making her hate me, but god
what fools these mortals be {ASSHOLE!}

one thing she said to me which surprised me:
you're not sexually driven, that's what i thought, you treated me so nicely without being pressured about it, i loved that about you i tell him how great it was all the time to not be pressured like that.
and now you're just like everybody else.

to be sexually driven and to have a sexual drive are two different things. to have one is to be a monster to have the other, well,
im just glad i didnt turn into a goddamn eunuch. at least i have that going for me.

i did it.
i successfully found a way to get over past insecurities
admit to yourself that what you did wasn't wrong at all, and tell the truth about it. figure out why you felt certain ways and if you could solve problems.

here was the deal:
i just lost one of my best friends (who i will miss dearly, i was going to say you never treated me right but you made me those kievs, which i am actually very teary eyed about because i was too paranoid to accept friendship) because i told her i cheated on her near the end of our relationship:

why i did this:
it happened a few years ago and i thought she would understand
- to let go

good news:
i never have to pretend im happy being friends with someone who has tried to give back every present, every memory, every kiss we had again. i was sorely UNHAPPY whenever i thought about her, the only person who made me so elated to see but forced me into cigarettes upon her departure.

bad news:
god im sorry.
she believed in me, she thought i was the only decent human being left in the world

why i did it:
well she didnt touch me for five months and basically told me how attractive everyone around me was and how much she didnt believe in me and SO ON.

another terrible thing:
the girl i did it with happened to be the object of affection for one of my current best friends right now.

i sort of feel surreal right now. i lost a friend who really was just someone i kept in my mind for months at a time but only got to see three or four times a year. i also lost a friend who was completely complacent while i was busy killing myself the first six months i turned nineteen

what to do

its noon already whered all the light go

My favourite story:

Despite anything men say in front of women convincing them that their brains are just as capable as ours, we are naturally disposed to think they are as dumb as jelly beans.

For instance, several times in my life have I argued in favor of women, that men really are not that great or handsome or powerful, that they are not artistic stallions that oscillate between extreme attractiveness and confident safety, that women are not attracted to the sublime power of men.

But for fuck's sake is that a lie.

At the same time, however, I believe women think the same thing about men, which I will go into as follows:

GIRL 1
oh my GOD can you believe the way jamie kisses it's so awful
GIRL 2
i know! jamei is such a terrible kisser, we're both pretty good
GIRL 1
i know i've gotten pretty good at just laying there
GIRL 2
REALLY i wish i knew how to fuck better. i sort of move my toes around and complain when he's doing something wrong
GIRL 1
bitch bitch bitch bitch
GIRL 2
you aint be callin ME a bitch r U

CAT FIGHT OUT OF NOWHERE!


The truth, however:
despite this extremely entertaining dynamic between both sexes {i identify with both if you wanted to know; aka feel where im trying to draw a line you fools}, this veil of uncertainty and inexplicable communication, constantly talking about different sides of the same hand, one palm, one spindly snake-skin, we are in need of each other.

Without the extreme beauty of womanhood, men would be unmotivated to do anything great.
and honestly,
vice versa assholes.


Girl 1
Art is so aesthetically pleasing, I absolutely adore art.
GIRL 2
I completely understand your thoughts on the matter, I'm so jovial to have a partner to paint with!
GIRL 1
I just love to paint, you know. Painting starts with one thing and ends up being a completely different story, it changes right in front of you, it's art.
Girl 2
If only these fools around us knew how great art is!

The way men see it (and we adore you):
GIRL 1
OMG ART IS SO KEWL!!

GIRL 2
yea I NO ive NEVer fouND NE 1 to PAint WITH itS SOOOoOOO FUNNN

GIRL 1
LETS DRAW A BANANA

GIRL 2
NO A SWIRL

GIRL 1
WelL ThatS like A baNANa INTO a SWIRL! like THat's what Art IS U no, u STart with SOMethin and DEn it becomes Somethin DiffERRnent Thats ARt That's SWIRL

GIRL 2
iu NOOOO


-------------
and we breathe softly and look at each other, thinking how lucky we are to be in the presence of princesses. even if they ARE six years old.

------------------

on an ending note i'd like to say, we understand you better than you think. why? because here, explicitly, you can find out that gender roles are complete bullshit. sure we have natural desires into what we seek out in mates, but you know the deal. i could wear a tutu and get away with it for twenty years [HEY THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT YOU'RE SAYING STOP USING FAULTY PUNCHLINES!]

TERESA
George, you honestly have no idea what I was talking about, me Ali and Claire all listened to the same song by CARIBOU, it was SO amazing, that we all had this one collective thought, this bond session, it was so amazing.

GEORGE
honey, can you pass the honey, it's in the bear

TERESA
you just dont GET it! you never listen to me, you'll never understand me AAAH!

GEORGE
i said it's in the bear. you know i was the one that GAVE you that caribou album

TERESA
ITS NOT THE SAME THING I HATE YOU!!

(its fun to tease, wouldn't you say? ^_^)

love,
-g

to further reiterate my point that you should take things with a grain of salt:
ALL MEN SHOULD BE MISOGYNISTS!




why

because the first thing girls jump at when ordering sushi is miso soup
NOW AND FOREVER!

{its good but what are you six, grow up already


WOMEN
yep! miso soup sure IS good, this guys a dummy

MEN
OH MAN HOW MANY POUNDS OF EEL DO YOU THINK WE CAN STUFF IN THERE THIS TIME? TWELVE THOUSAND??

old professors:
buffoonery. he didn't take the time to craft anything here! he makes my writing seem less important~ kill off the younger generation!

aka the same argument that christian fundamentalists use against gay people
TOM SAWYER
but DEM cockrockers make OUR marriage seem like NOTHIN! am i rite ami rite amirite?>! shoot that shit

and once again i enunciate,
"HA HA HA HA HA
my LAST NAME was really SUNSET, you FUCKERS!"

edit:
it's supposed to be choppy and nonsensical, im trying to say something about my thought pattern. i don't normally like explaining myself, but i thought i should let the reader become aware of ulterior motives rather than reading everything in blind haste

one thing i really enjoy about writing:
some people start believing you're different than you actually are.
and so do future generations. it's like getting away with an egregious lie but being okay with it

shut up

its the sunshine that makes us feel good

heres my advice to everyone:
laugh at what's funny, and scoff at what's not. if we're constantly laughing with people who we find utterly NOT funny, we are becoming part of the problem.

AUDIENCE
what's the probleM!?

ME
you're all becoming a bunch of grumpy's idiots!

AUDIENCE
JUGHGHGHHHHHHH

Me
BUUUUUHHHH

AUDIENCe
RAFGAGHSSDOF
Me
DINFUHGU DUNNNN

goals:
to be on just for laughs 2008
to finish that play about vegas by the end of the semester
to make music an actual part of my life
to be the most unsubtle person i can possibly be, holding on to the belief that america is the greatest country ever known to man. EVER.

things people have told me (with NAMES!)

DASHA
be more subtle
- from the queen of conspicuous

TERESA
nobody makes me want to do art like you
- from the queen of the unadorned

TAUSCHER
you're too nice
- from the peasant family i associate myself with

KING EDWARD IV
you don't exist
-from the nonexistent chronicles of narnia

MOM
clean your room brush your teeth did you WASH YOUR HANDS my GOD you DIDNT
- from the queen of love and complacency

DOM
you should smoke heroin
-from my best friend

MAUREEN
here's a delicious steak!
- from one of my favorite people

ELLERY
STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE YOUR LIFE IS TAKE A LOOK AT ME BUDDY
-- from the one person i like talking to because it always puts my problems in perspective. god bless you hercules


LION
be brave

i know buddy, i know.

im a crystal waiting for more sun to shine through. i like to gobble them all up like they're pancakes, those rays of green and blue and oxycotton, the supposed "new street drug of many"

my point, which might have been lost on all of you so i'll state it in the beginning:
don't let anyone change who you are. let them influence you but don't let them take away your heart

{people have asked me to do this, with varying results. my russian best friend said i haven't changed a bit, which made her happy. my mexican best friend {sucks to you italy} figured i was doing well for myself. my quebecois best friend told me to shut the fuck up and finish my baguette already}

QUEBECOIS
thats the FRENCH not US

GEORGE
what language do you speak then assholes

QUEBECOIS
THAT'S IT WE'RE SECEDING! IMBECILES!

simon
deal me in

francis
simon, don't play this table cmon

simon
i feel lucky, i just won a g off blackjack i feel good

francis
i have this table fucking owned cmon please

simon
deal me fuckin in dealer, i dont know this guy

francis
SIMON

simon
shut the fuck up and let me play

francis
fine.


DEALER deals everybody but simon two black aces. Simon has two red ones.

FLOP:
CLUB CLUB CLUB
TURN:
heart
RIVER:
CLUB

Dealer: EVERYONE WINS BUT MR. SIMON! FLUSHES FOR EVERYYYBOOODY!

Simon:
God-DAMN it!

Francis:
i told you

DEALER:
at least you still have your heart!

*table bursts into laughter*

A.M.
I sure do like to piss you off, Georgey boy.

GEORGE
what? my chest feel like it's just been kicked in by that cigarette

P.M.
he SAID to take another drink already!

GEORGE
what? you just poured me an entire 2-6 of jack, i can't finish all of this

ALL
SURE YOU CAN!

---------
ERIC WOOD
i'm 29

me
i'm about to turn 21. any advice you could give me?

ERIC WOOD
give IN to the pleasures of hedonism! they will be the only things to bring you enlightenment!

me
i divulge in the right way, according to myself

ERIC WOOD
you dropped the straw

me
ugh

ERIC WOOD
ready to suck cocks

me
GOD no

god these cigarettes are terrible. im sick of pretending i know what im talking about. heres how i really feel:


LUNGS
stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it
CHEST CAVITY
stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it
BODY
GOD STOP IT

heart:
eh not so bad, but i could do better
others:
isnt the heart a PART of the body? you're SO stupid!

to make a brief answer:
of course i whine about love,
everything else in my life is going swimmingly.
and it's not like anyone reads this but my audience of one anyhow.



ASHLEY
you used SWIMMINGLY WRONG you're such an IDIOT god MEG the PIZZAFACE said you were wrong and you know they have threesomes which are right as rain

the ghost of your spirit lingers {this is a joke, for all of you goddamn idiots who can't take one. im looking at everybody, including myself}


oh fuck YOUR COVER'S BLOWN just started playing and i completely forgot why i was feeling upset. i actually started DANCING

what i really want:
my own group of losers to suck my goddamn cock!


FAMILY
GEORGE! STOP THAT
FRIENDS
WHAT STOP THAT
people
i can't believe that guy said cock, what?

real friends:
mmmm poppycock. the cheesy ones are the best, but don't forget caramel!

what to make of it

PORCUPINE
you're already becoming complacent in shittiness

DANDELION
well so are you

PORCUPINE
Only because you drag me down with that goddamn imcomplete bullshit of yours, dear. I haven't told you this, but you're EXACTLY like the rest of those fishy scumbags you associate yourself with. No wonder they gravitate towards you, you're the queen bee of honey filth, just flying out of the womb. They want to take a suck right when you've come out of your innocence.

DANDELION
what in the HELL are you talking about? why are you being so cruel

PORCUPINE
to make you shut the hell up about thinking you're so great for having me be in love with you. fucking asshole. fucking manhattan bullshit who are you

DANDELION
i'm dandelion. stop blaming me for everything!

PORCUPINE
it's just been on my mind this morning

DANDELION
can't we talk about something ELSE

PORCUPINE
my art just (pause)
it's non existant without inspiration. i really enjoy feeding off of beauty, and people constantly make me feel stupid for actually believing in that. not that i don't think most people who say that are full of shit, but i just want what comes out of my mouth to mimick something people in love would say

DANDELION
we ARE married you know.

PORCUPINE
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???

*BULBASAUR WITH A PIE!

------------------
why do you like to end your pieces so abruptly?
because i like to sort out my issues on paper and when i am unable to think of a conclusion i choose to make a punchline because they come so much easier to me. fuck the rest of it all. im ready to take all of this down right about now actually.



*bulbasaur with a pie is when a bulbasaur {look it up yourself} has a pie strung around it and is tossed into the face of an unexpecting victim.

the truth (to myself):

starfish is dating a crackhead heroin user of 29 who has no house and no future. he's got an amazing body and makes her feel small though, which is what any girl could reasonably ask for out of a person. we've become so naturally inclined to feel that the rest of a person is shitty for the most part, so that's what we tend to seek out. i have to admit, i like it when i make a girl feel small, and if it doesn't happen neither of us are to blame [though i don't actually speak how i feel, which is this:

why oh why doesn't anyone listen to me?
do i have to be saying something completely different to be heard? yes yes, with grace with charm with dexterity!]

here goes:
we are all doing heroin in some respect. we are all injecting ourselves with devices ready to kill our spirits. it feels too good not to be doing.

full spectrum vice veresa tai chi ying yang and all that goddamn bullshit. throw it ALL in there

thinking about it for the better part of the night, i would be perfectly happy fighting with lasers somewhere

SIMON
I don't like thinkin' bout' now. I like to think 'bout later.

FRANCIS
You're talkin' crazy. You don't need any reason to defend yourself, man. Go punch someone in the face if you want.

SIMON
Do you have any cigarettes?

FRANCIS
You ought to quit those fuckin' things.

SIMON
You should too.

FRANCIS slaps SIMON with a stack of a thousand hundred dollar bills.

SIMON
touche

also
dont feel bad for feeling what you feel EVER. someone told me that and someone told him that and i think that's the best advice i've ever gotten. so ill pass it on to you. don't mind me, it's just morning time and i have a drug addiction

the reason:
ive actually gotten to the point where everything but drugs pisses me off

Just sent that lousy soulmate of mine an email stating
subject: HATE
body: DONT TALK TO ME FOR A WHILE

re:
I'm digging too deep into the past without gaining anything from it. So I was inspired for a while. If that person no longer wants to be inspiration for art, then sucks to her. Sucks to the whole goddamn idea of soulmates, of being able to spit on the wrists of adulthood and to flicker around like innocent little fireflies. [it all looks messy, but i do believe in what i write; which is more than what i can say for most of you]

Also,
i can't save anyone but myself right? They say I'm too nice.

I think it's bullshit that I'm choosing to act differently, but it's not making me happy? You win world, I'll be cruel like I have been and we'll see what kind of monster I become at the end. I'll die with a cigarette in my mouth and a blindfold around my eyes (red). And I'll calmly lift my head and slide my hand around my chin and jiggle my wrist [as i find that gesture of lifting your middle finger uncouth and disgusting {don't think i have forgotten ANY of you who have done it in front of me}] , calmly proclaiming my name for all to hear:

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! WHO HAD THE LAUGH LAST NOW?!"

and then they'd shoot that big apple off my shoulders and reveal a core of jelly worms and box closets.

"He held the strangest things close to his heart. Why?"

A UFO comes later and kills everybody with its lasers. That's how I'd like to imagine my downfall, with aliens killing my suppressors. Only my friends on the moon know what it's like to be this salty. And in the ocean

but really, i'm happy to be home. i miss love, of course, but it's good to be on track right from the beginning of chapter two

a reminder:

those of you that illicitly copy your favorite writers of former generations, yet have no documented ideas of the present generation, are living out of your minds. i consider everyone living in the modern era yet trying to produce art of another era, to be absolutely ridiculous.

more so even than visual artists. at least they try